March 9: Sweet moments before going away


Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to this weekend. I will be solo. So I got a heavy dose of “kid” this morning to fill me up before they left me for the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • Big Bro’s bike privilege is back. He was up out of bed, got dressed, had his sneakers on, his jacket on, helmet on, and came downstairs for breakfast completely ready to go. He ate quickly and then was completely ready. Even backpack. It was onlly 7:30 AM. He typically doesn’t ROLL out of bed until 7:30 AM. But here is was, all ready to go and extremely excited to be back in action.
  • Big Bro and Twin Husky again were having fun running and dancing around in the kitchen together. I think this will be a ritual with them.
  • Big Bro was very sweet this morning. Twin Crazy had some hair in her face and Big Bro gently swiped it away and out of her eyes. The way she was looking up at him was so sweet. I wish I had the camera but am glad I remembered this moment – hopefully I will remember it in the future since I’m writing it down here.
  • It was finally 8:00 AM and time for Big Bro to go. He was thrilled. I watched him down the sidewalk. I called out that I loved him and for him to have fun. He turned around back to me as he was riding and said “Bye Mommy!!!” with a huge smile on his face.
  • Back at home Twins were dressed to go for the day. Red was dressed for school. Daddy was in the car too. I grabbed snacks and extra diapers for my day with the Twins. We pulled away to drop Red off. He was rushing. I didn’t understand why. I’m home with the kids anyway and I wanted to make it a relaxing drop off. As we were driving there I looked back at Red’s face and her eyes just seemed sad to me. I then asked her if she wanted to go with me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and she said YES. I was going to take them to the zoo. So I had Daddy turn the van around to drop him off and for me to get extra food since I had Red now too.
  • 20120309-225812.jpg

    20120309-225847.jpg

    20120309-225905.jpg

    Highlights of the Zoo:

  • We arrived there early so we played in the playground a bit.
  • Red had to pee so we went potty – there was a huge lawnmower which was scaring the kids so it was a bit of an ordeal to get to the potty across the lawn while this huge lawnmower was going around. We made it though.
  • Back at the playground Red was being a monkey climbing on things and the Twins were staying close to me because of the lawnmower. Red was having trouble trying to climb up certain things and then all of the sudden I saw her with the stroller and she was using it as a ladder. I love how these kids problem-solve and come up with solutions. It makes me feel good that they can take care of themselves in that way.
  • Once the zoo opened we went to see the frogs and turtles first. Red had never been to that part of the zoo before.
  • We went to look at the sea otters and laughed at how they were playing.
  • We had snacks and the kids were having fun roaming through bushes and playing follow the leader.
  • We then went to brush the goats. So much fun. They were very good with the animals and loved it.
  • On the way out the kids were being monkeys again. Climbing on things all over the place.
  • 20120309-225947.jpg

    20120309-230021.jpg

    20120309-230046.jpg

    20120309-230109.jpg

    20120309-230136.jpg

    20120309-230159.jpg

    20120309-230219.jpg

    20120309-230240.jpg

    20120309-230312.jpg

    20120309-230329.jpg

    20120309-230347.jpg

    20120309-230404.jpg

    Rest of the Afternoon:

  • We made it back by 11:30 AM for lunch.
  • Daddy packed up the car and I played with the kids. We played with blocks and balls. They started to get cranky, needing their naps so I held Twin Crazy for a bit and then rocked with Twin Husky.
  • The kids were cute getting their things. Twin Husky needed to bring his 2 Tigers, yellow soccer ball, pretend chicken leg, and blue rubber snake.
  • I said my goodbyes and rocked in the chair for a bit. It was quiet.
  • I’m going to try not to be upset about these lonely weekends any longer. My first alone weekend was very, very rough. It was hard for me to wake up in silence – it felt wrong. I maybe had 2 or 3 mornings of silence over the past 6 years and it just felt un-natural to me. I felt like I was missing my limbs or that I had two left feet or something. It just felt “off”.

    But no matter how I look at it, no matter WHAT level of custody I have with these kids going forward, there will be obviously be days where I wake up without them. This is just reality. And I know this. I can almost accept this now. This is going to be part of my new reality going forward. I will not have them with me every day. It’s as simple as that. I get it. Sometimes it will be harder for me and sometimes it won’t feel as difficult. It will just be.

    So, I sat in silence for awhile. It was a stark difference from just 2 minutes prior — twins crying to nap and Red bouncing around trying to be helpful. Now it was completely quiet except for the sound of the rocking chair. I sat in the chair in the sun. I checked email. I saw a “Groupon-now” for a deep conditioning and haircut that if bought, had to be used within 2 hours. So I made an appointment and bought the Groupon and got my hair conditioned and cut.

    20120309-231144.jpg

    20120309-231156.jpg

    So now I’m getting ready for my weekend away. A B&B in wine country with heated pools, mineral baths, bed in breakfast, and massage (another Groupon previously bought). It was going to be for 2. But now I am one. And I am using it this weekend, alone. And happy about that. I will wake up to a quiet house tomorrow morning, knowing that the kids are fine and having fun, and I will pack up the car and go out to breakfast and road-trip. I have a massage at 11 AM and will relax the rest of the day at the pool. I will spend the weekend with myself and with my thoughts and enjoy the sun, the pool, and the silence.

    I love Groupon.

    Have a terrific weekend Mamas – I’ll post pix of my weekend on Facebook and likely Tweet about it too.

    Here’s to sunny days!
    – Mama K

    Advertisements

    November 23: One-on-one time with Big Bro


    Today was a work-at-home day. And it was a 1/2 day. And it is the day before Thanksgiving. And we decided not bring Big Bro in for “day camp” today and save the extra money.

    That meant that I had some extra time with Big Bro, just me and him.

    • We dropped of the Twins and Red. She wanted to wear her little turkey head band again today. She is too cute. Her teacher chuckled when she saw Red back at school with the hat on. Too cute.

    20111123-202116.jpg

    • I did some work and reached out to a number of prospects for a new forum we are trying to launch. As I did this, Big Bro watched a movie.
    • I straightened up the house and unpacked some Yankee Candles that I ordered. Pumpkin Pie and French Vanilla scents. I love candles. The house just felt warmer with them on.
    • We went out to lunch. We talked. He felt tired and rested his head on my lap for a bit. We held hands. I loved this time with him. I feel like I love him so much that my heart hurts. I asked him if I told him how much I loved him yet today, he said yes, but I kissed his nose anyway.

    20111123-201937.jpg

    • We went shopping at Trader Joe’s for our entire Thanksgiving dinner. I love that place. We were in and out in less than 20 minutes. They had everything and the place wasn’t too crowded. There were little turkey footprint stickers leading the way to the turkeys. We left with four strips of stickers.

     

     

    Dinner and Bedtime were a bit routine; with the exception of the older kids wanting to read to the younger kids. And also Red asking me to spend some alone time with her, doing exactly what I was doing with Big Bro today. Her face looked so sweet and patient when she asked me this. It’s not like she is jealous of Big Bro – in fact, I hear them right now talking up a storm upstairs – they get along really well. I just always sense her neediness. And I feel bad for her that she went to school while he stayed at home, it’s just that I had work to do and I can accomplish things with him and not nearly as much when she is around – she is much more interactive so I can’t focus on work while she’s here.

    This does frighten me. How on earth am I going to be able to give each of these children what they need? How much more can I possibly give? Am I shortchanging them individually because I have so many children collectively?

    There’s a sense of sweetness that I’m feeling now, the night before Thanksgiving – with my children who touch me in ways I’ve never dreamed imaginable. How Big Bro took my hand at lunch and how we sat there in silence briefly just being there with each other. How Red looks at me and expresses her need to be with me – while she’s hugging me and laying in my lap. How I danced softly holding Twin Husky earlier in the evening because he seemed more tired than normal and how he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. How Twin Crazy looked at me tonight and said “I did it” and then I looked down at her foot and she had a sandal on, apparently put on by her, all by herself.

    But at the same time there is such a feeling of solitude. Loneliness. Despite the new work arrangement and the happiness that it has brought me. There is more. I need more. But I will spend time tomorrow feeling thankful for this family and what we have.

    Have a great Thanksgiving everyone –
    – Mama K

    %d bloggers like this: