October 18: Are you kidding me??!?!?


It was a reasonably good Thursday because of the kids; but the day sucked due to the divorce. I need to be done with this already – I am soooo over it.

Highlights of the Day:

  • I of course woke up to Twin Husky climbing into my bed. He is like a living alarm-clock. His routine is so predictable.
  • Chocolate Thursday! Kids were helping themselves and spreading their own Nutella on their tortillas. We were running a bit late.
  • Out of the driveway I ran over my side lawn and got stuck. One neighbor and one stranger walking down the street helped to push me out. It was pretty funny when my bumper almost got pulled off of my car. It’s just a piece of metal.
  • Drop off for Big Bro was fine; Drop off for Red was TERRIBLE. Lots of hugs, clinging to legs, tears. This happens every Thursday now. I hate it.
  • I took Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to a science museum in a closeby neighborhood. They had a great time playing with balls/air, floating things/air, tumbling, riding bikes with square wheels, doing puppet shows, etc. etc. etc. They really had a great time as did I.

It was an early pick up day for Big Bro from school. So at 12:30 we picked him up, and then Red. We headed back to my place and had a great time.

  • We painted fingernails.
  • Got the mail, watered the plants front and back
  • Dressed in Halloween costumes
  • Had a smoothie snack outside on the steps
  • Twins took a bath, I gave Twin Husky a haircut (he looks very handsome)
  • Had some neighborhood kids over to play
  • Played with Cocoa
  • Ate a fast dinner outside with our new patio furniture
  • Cleaned up, read books, scratched backs, tickled and hugged and said lots of “I love you”s.

In between all of this were emails and phone calls/ conference calls for work. Both related to the big meeting next week, and a new client project that we will likely bid on. It was great from a work perspective even though it was my day off.

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In between all of this also were emails and phone calls from co-parent related to the divorce. He wants to be reimbursed for his out of pocket healthcare expenses – is still on my health plan. Are you kidding me?????? I need to be rid of this. I want to move forward but he keeps holding me back. I can not wait to be free of this. I have never met such a cheap man before in my life. He would fight you for a roasting pan, believe me, he is fighting me for ours and the majority of our wedding gifts.

Ok, now that’s off my chest, I breathe deep and let it pass. I am in my own home now. And my children are sleeping happily in their rooms. They ate well tonight. They had two different houses of neighborhood friends come over. They are clean. They were playing with each other and the girls were laughing and playing tonight like best friends.  I received a TON of hugs from them and lots of good conversation with each of them tonight.  I look at them in their eyes when they talk to me and they are able to finish their sentences and thoughts with me and get a reaction from me.   I drank good, cheap wine tonight.  I have a guinea-pig who is running around her cage right now and who kisses Red non-stop and obviously loves Red the best.  The crickets are chirping. And work is going well. So I really can’t complain. I’m moving forward and am ready for what is ahead and I am hopeful that it will be wonderful and worth the journey.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking


Yeah! Friday! Time with the kids! Yet at the same time, ugggh… Friday… .that means another weekend is almost here….

I had a great day with the kids:

  • This morning went VERY smoothly; Big Bro, Twin Crazy, and Twin Husky were excited about the ride to Big Bro’s school. Red was very cooperative and got dressed all by herself first thing in the AM. Twin Crazy was excited about wearing a shirt with a hood and pockets. They all ate well and were super-excited about vitamins, as usual.
  • The ride to Big Bro’s school was nice – it was a beautiful day and the birds were singing. I asked the Twins what the birds were singing about and they said “worms” — this is a story that I made up with the kids several weeks ago… I was pretending that I was a bird and translating the chirps into “oooooh, good morning good morning good morning…. ohhh it’s a nice day outside…. ohhhhh I’m hungry for breakfast…. ohhh where are the worms, where are the worms, where are the worms…. ohhhh I’m looking for worms…..”. So it’s our own little joke now when we hear birds singing we say they must be singing about worms.
  • Twin Husky was playing with his rubber snake and I asked if it was a nice snake or a mean one… he said a mean one and then I pretended that the snake bit my finger and cried “Ouch”! Then each of them were pretending to be bitten by the snake and they each said “Ouch” too.
  • On the way back home I saw a team of gardeners with a lawnmower so took the opportunity to teach them about the lawnmower and how it is loud and how it cuts the grass and how the grass looks nice now…. it was cute. They were completely into it.
  • While at home, I had a chance in the early AM to brown a roast and make a quick sauce of broth, diced tomatoes, and spices and threw everything into a crock-pot. There. Dinner is essentially taken care of.
  • During the rest of the morning they had a good time coloring, eating, playing hide-and-seek with a blanket, doing puzzles, helping me unload the dishwasher, jumping, showing me their bellies, and being tickled by me.
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    Then it was lunch and nap-time for them. I straightened the house and got some personal items done. The afternoon would be spent in Child Custody mediation so I had a woman who previously helped us care for the kids come over a bit early so Twin Crazy and Twin Husky could wake up and see us with her — and talk about how we love her and how she used to take care of them when they were babies (and how they’re not babies anymore) and had her give them a snack of ice-cream before we left. They immediately took to her and had no problem saying goodbye to us and they went outside with her to play with scooters and bikes. Thank you Kendall!!! We do love you!!!!

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    It was a good dinner, a good pop-corn movie night. A good sister-bonding night. Red: “Do you want to sit here? I will sit right next to you, OK? It’s OK, I’m here, you’re not alone…”

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    But bedtime was rough. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight but Big Bro revolted, hard. It was a very difficult time for him, and me. After hearing him and seeing him and hearing him say that he doesn’t want to take turns anymore and him consistently coming downstairs to me….. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cleaned up as much as I could but then had to seclude myself in my room and cry, and cry, and cry. This is so hard. The forced separation while I am still here in the house is torturous; it’s hardest for Big Bro and he is at an age where he will remember. I am very concerned and it is just going to get harder for them. I need to be strong for them. And fight for what I believe is right for them.

    So today was a day of whiplash for me. It was so great and then so heartbreaking in a matter of hours. I feel like I’m alone in trying to find what is best for them in the long-run – but am putting my trust into a child psychiatrist / custody mediator whose job it is to work out a solution that is best for the children.

    I’m calling it a night –
    thanks for listening –
    – Mama K

    February 22: Taking care of each other


    Happy Humpday – I enjoy Wednesdays since I work 1/2 day and from home. This saves me commuting time and also gives me the option to get things done around the house and/or spend time with some of the kids – I had a good day. I feel like I got things done that have been on my to-do list for awhile –

    Highlights of the Morning:

  • Kids were basically cooperative and ate well, cooperated getting dressed. Red wanted to get dressed by herself and she requested that I not look in her direction. Big Bro thought this was funny. So he gave me a play-by-play: “She’s taking off her shirt now. Now she’s putting on her clean shirt”… etc. It was comical and Red, Big Bro, and I were laughing. The twins didn’t know what to make of it and I don’t think they picked up on the humor.
  • The kids saw that I had an owie on my arm – a burn that I got when making roast chicken last week. My watch started to pull off the scab so it actually is very red and hurts. I talked about it, and then I put a big bandaid on it. The kids were looking up at me with concern but I assured them that I was OK.
  • I strolled with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky as Big Bro joined the Motley Crew. We were running late but caught up with them. I loved to hear the echoing of his name from the kids as we approached. He’s part of the crowd. He requested that I not take any pictures. Peer pressure. So cute. He wants to fit in. I love it.
  • While at Big Bro’s school, a parent came up to me to tell me a funny story about Big Bro. Apparently her daughter’s friend was not in school yesterday, so she had the opportunity to spend some time with Big Bro. Well, apparently she got to know him a bit better and decided that she likes him. So she kissed him on the cheek. I guess this is what he was talking about when he said that some of the girls kiss him. Popular boy!!! I have to teach him to respect the ladies and treat them as people! I think with two little sisters, he should be OK in the long-run (hopefully).
  • I then strolled Twin Crazy and Twin Husky to their daycare. They were talking about the burn that I have on my arm and they wanted to see the band-aid again. They talked about “hot” and “owie” and “hurt” but again I told them I was OK.
  • I walked home from there – it was a nice morning but I had a lot on my mind; I got back to the house without noticing anything in particular.
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    Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I got home and topped off my coffee and began eating everyone’s leftover breakfast. I cleaned up and straightened up the house. I got my computer and phones out and started my day.
  • I had a conference call with a client and invitee to the special meeting we are having just to explain to her the purpose of what we are doing. She gets it now, and will forward the invitation on to the right people within her company. She is wonderful to work with.
  • I sent out special survey results to the members of one of our forums. These special surveys are a benefit that they receive from being part of these forums.
  • I reached out to the market through work contacts, clients, and also LinkedIn to secure primary interviews for a project that I am assisting with. It takes more time to get people to talk to you than actually conducting the conversations and thinking through the insights. So much time is spent going through the rolodex and finding the right people and getting them to agree to a meeting….
  • I spent some time reviewing a discussion guide for the new project that just started. It needs work. I feel like I can’t get to it properly today so will wait until Monday when I can sit at a desk and devote some real time to it.
  • Highlights of My Afternoon:

  • I decided that I did enough work for the day and switched gears. There was a project that I wanted to start and finish. Our Child Custody Mediator suggested a trick to get the kids to put their shoes and jackets in the right spot all the time – it’s brilliant in its simplicity. Hooks. So I spent some time printing out a photograph of the kids, cutting it up into four individual photos, and printing out their names in big pink/blue letters. I found some small bins for the shoes and organized them by person. Twin Crazy has the most shoes by far — not surprising, given the amount of hand-me-downs. No wonder poor Twin Husky has been wearing her shoes – he barely has any!!!
  • I then ran some errands. Post office, hardware store (hooks), drugstore (kid hand soap). I was debating whether or not to bring a child with me, but decided against it. I wanted time by myself this afternoon.
  • I got back and put the finishing touches on my project. Hooks were up. Photos were up. Names were up. Bins were out. All set.
  • I then decided to walk to get Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, to allow Big Bro to ride his bike back home from school. When I got to the Twins they were busy taking care of their Tigers and bears. They were wrapped up in blankets going “night night”. They were very particular about how to get into the stroller so as not to crush the Tigers/bears and to keep the blankets from unraveling. They were very, very protective of them./li>
  • Big Bro was pumped to ride his bike back from after-care. We enjoyed the walk back in the sunshine.
  • I then revealed the hooks and pictures and they were a hit. Whew!!
  • We picked up Red. No major issues.
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    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I cooked dinner while the kids played. Red pretended to be a mommy feeding her baby on a rocker.
  • I cooked stove-top grilled chicken, brussell sprouts, and rice for dinner. We had sliced oranges for dessert. It was an easy clean up and quick dinner.
  • I drove the van from the driveway into the garage (about 15 feet) with all four kids in the van not in their car seats. They were squealing with excitement.
  • I changed the Twins in their PJs and talked to them and tickled them. I then sat with Big Bro to watch a Spongebob. Twin Crazy was bonding with Red — laying together, then going to wash their hands together with the new soap, and then Twin Crazy sitting on Red’s lap…. when it was time for me to take the twins up, Red actually walked with her up the stairs holding hands. So sweet. I love the fact that they have a sister relationship. I don’t have a sister so these kinds of relationships always intrigue me.
  • Bedtime with the Twins was great; easy. They each picked out a book. Twin Crazy wanted The Little Engine again and we talked about the story together. Twin Husky picked out an Elmo book. We then sang songs and called it a night. They both wanted to sleep with pillows tonight so I put them in their beds. So cute. We say “sweet dreams” and also “I love you” back and forth, back and forth, as I turn off the light and close the door. They are so easy it is almost frightening.
  • I gave kisses to Red and Big Bro. Leaving them was easier tonight.
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    But now….. I hear Red crying upstairs. Crying for me….. “Mommy……”. I can’t take this. It’s too hard. Hopefully he can get her to settle down. I ache for her. She’s still crying. Mommy mommy mommy. I’m going to her.

    Til tomorrow
    – Mama K

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