May 29: Getting ready to move on


It is 11:15PM right now and I want to recap of the day’s events –

– Chocolate Tuesday

– Twin Husky starting a “band” this morning with instrumentsImage

 

– Busy day at work dealing with forums and also client work; I wrote a client proposal and also a sales document for a forum we are launching as follow ups to the webinar we hosted 2 weeks back.   I essentially had my “sales” hat on today.

– Picked up kids; cooked dinner while packing up my mini-van with a load of stuff for my move

– Ate dinner; Twin Crazy was funny with upside-down sunglasses

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– finished packing up van and 3 of the kids wanted to come with me.  I said they need to help and also take baths before leaving my house to come back home to go to sleep.  They agreed.  Big Bro and Twin Crazy held hands on the way.   We drove up to the house to find deer in our backyard.  The kids helped me unload the van – I gave them stuff and told them which room to put it in.  Big Bro helped to water the lawn.  I carried down garbage bins.   Girls took their baths first; Twin Crazy squealed when she went into her room with the decorations; Big Bro took his bath and then we were off.   Kids were asleep when I got back.

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– I finished cleaning up from dinner; and then finished up some work.

So, yes it’s late.  Yes I ran non-stop today.  But it felt GREAT to be at the house and add things to the home like rugs and decorations.  The kids are doing so well.  They are listening so well and really respecting my “new” rules.   They are helping and seem excited.  Big Bro requested a calendar so that he and the rest could see which days are with Mommy and which days are with Daddy.   I love him so much it hurts.  

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Staying Sane: LAUGH


My “Staying Sane” series of posts have changed somewhat over time. At first I was trying to write about things or information that I thought would help the working mother in her very hectic life. Now, I find that I am writing about things that I am doing in my own personal life to help me get through the day – in in particular, the weekends. So yes, this is selfish of me. Yes, I know. But please bear with me. This is one of the only channels I have to express what I am feeling and going through right now. This weekend was divided, as it needs to be, but I felt like a child and crammed in some belly laughs along the way.

This weekend was filled with laughter – I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on Saturday morning, Big Bro in the afternoon, Big Bro and Red on Saturday evening, and most of the day with Big Bro and Red on Sunday.

Saturday:

  • Took Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on a “steam train” ride; they wanted to wear some goofy hats and had a good time; Twin Crazy was a bit scared but I had them with me and they clinged to me so I knew they were safe. They were busy looking around and I was busy hooting it up to get some excitement going.
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  • Big Bro came with me to get some eyeglasses and he told me that I look strange in them.
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  • He also came with me to go food shopping and he had fun picking out the fruits all by himself.
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  • Big Bro, Red and I had movie night and Red was hysterical when sharing her popcorn with me. She would ask me how many I wanted, I would say three, she would give me two, and then both of us would CRACK UP. I guess you had to be there. During the movie I was busy folding laundry with the kids in the same room but Big Bro wanted me to sit in between them and watch the movie with him. He needs to be doing something with me — I am the same way (refer to Languages of Love post)
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Sunday:

  • After feeding the kids and getting them dressed I headed off with Big Bro and Red – we went to the zoo. But, we never went INTO the zoo. Instead, we rode on the little amusement park rides just outside of the zoo. I rode on a “roller coaster”. Twice. I screamed and laughed. It was the fastest ride I’ve been on in 10+ years, I think. It was a baby roller-coaster. But I had fun. AND NO ONE CRIED!!!
  • We took a train ride and actually saw some animals.
  • I watched the kids on a spin-around ride and had to laugh just looking at their faces.
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  • Afterwards we went to a birthday party at a gymnastics studio and I was one of the only parents jumping on the trampolines, jumping into the foam pit, etc. I LOVED IT.
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So it was a weekend of laughter. My throat actually hurts (yes I have a cold, but I’d like to think the laughter had something to do with it).

I feel like this is a calm before the storm. The children, particularly the older ones, are more clingy than I would like to see. I know they can pick up on the tension. There were several times this weekend that Red just needed to be held, and rocked. She woke up sooooooo early this morning crying for me. I sat with her in my room on the floor, on the big fuzzy rug, and rocked with her. She wrapped her arms around me and played with my hair along my back. We sat in silence. And then we rested on the rug and waited for the others to wake up.

It kills me that the joy they have in their eyes will be tarnished somewhat in the near future. I want them to laugh uncontrollably and lose themselves in their laughter. To be kids. Not to suffer the feeling of loss or worse, think that they had ANYTHING to do with it. It kills me that these days of free laughter may be limited…. that somehow, they will forever be changed – being touched by loss and grief and that parts of their joy, innocence, and security will be damaged.

I will try my hardest to shield them from what I can; and prove to them that I am a mother they can all count on.

Til tomorrow,

– Mama K

January 16: Happy Birthday Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.


Monday. A day off for the kids. So I woke up to an empty house, again. I woke up later than usual since it was just me that I had to get ready. And I get ready quickly.

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I do miss them. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my “break” over the weekend. But I miss Red’s smile the first thing in the morning, I miss Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and how they communicate with each other and try to use their words non-stop (spoon, bagel, thank you, thanks, water, please, SOOOOOO CUTTTTE). I miss Big Bro and his questions about how things work. I miss his sensitivity. I miss their smiles and even whines for “mommy time”. I sure they are doing OK and managing just fine without me. But it really helps to know that they are coming back to me. And that I am their mother above everyone else in the world.

The ferry is also relatively empty today. Martin Luther King day. A modern-day hero. A man who would not accept status-quo. A man that wanted to drive change for the betterment of all people. A man that was met with opposition. But he was fiercely determined and believed in the depths of his soul in what he was doing.

I will not kid myself to even directly compare myself to this great man. But I can relate to him. As we all can in some way. Today we celebrate his life. And this year, I will celebrate with a much different perspective – for I see a bit clearer and I feel a bit more of what he was trying to do. Certainly not on his scale, but in my own world it felt quite big.

So now I’m on the ferry to work. I will be busy today. I have planning to do for the next big meetings in April, I have billing to follow up on, and I have a presentation to prepare for this Wednesday for a proposal of work to a client. Presentations do not frighten me the way they did earlier in my career. If I know what I’m talking about, and I believe whole-heartedly in what I’m saying, I can be a very powerful speaker – and listener – and communicator.

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I sent out some bills
  • I arranged two meetings related to a new initiative we will try to launch – a game changer!!!
  • I reviewed a PowerPoint discussion document of our proposal for a client meeting we will have on Wednesday.
  • I spent too much time sorting through personal items. I will have work to do tonight.
  • So now I’m sitting outside of my appointment office building. The office is closed. It is cold and I am early. My kids are likely at home now. I have not seen them since Friday morning. And when I get back it will likely be Red and Big Bro only awake. I hope they had fun. I hope they heard only good stories and nothing to make them scared. I need to be there for them.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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