March 12: Not a bad Monday


Monday, after a long weekend, with little sleep. And I will be busy today. Not good. Last night’s sweet reunion with the kids was at 8 PM – Twin Crazy was acting silly and saying “Hiya”. Big Bro was tired, as was Red and Big Bro. I had all four kids on the floor with me as they came back into the house. Twin Crazy and Red on my lap, Twin Husky half on my lap and the floor, and Big Bro in a fetal position laying next to me on the floor. It was a late night for them. By the time Big Bro went to sleep, it was past 10:15 PM.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up to Red screaming between 5 – 6 AM. I went up several times to soothe her.
  • Big Bro was excited about leading the pack of the Motley Crew today. His day is Mondays.
  • Red was fine after she got dressed into her favorite Dora shirt.
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy eating breakfast, and talking alot. Talking about how their bowls were circles and how tangerines are balls. Twin Crazy brought Red her hot pink phone, and brought Twin Husky his bear stuffed animal. She is so sweet.
  • Twin Husky was acting goofy and sticking pieces of bread crusts out of his mouth like two teeth.
  • All kids were having fun this AM. Interacting with each other and taking care of each other. Twin Husky needs to have his pile of things with him (basketball, tigers, rubber snake, bear) and the kids were helping him organize his stuff next to him.
  • Getting out of the house was easy today. Big Bro was eager to leave on his bike. I found Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing with their scooters outside in the driveway, laughing. Twin Crazy is REALLY good at the scooter. She glides and everything.
  • We drop off Twins first; then Red. It is picture day for Red and we forgot. Her hair looks like Einstein and I ask the teacher to please comb it before the pictures.
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    Now I’m on the ferry and I have so much to do today – I have a 9 AM conference call that I have to lead and I need to figure out where I’m going to go for quiet space to have this conversation – the ferry gets in just close to 9 AM so I need to figure that out. I have 4 [update; no make that 5] other meetings/conferences calls after that. I need to figure out what work I need to do between those and need to get organized when I get into the office.

    I’m attending to emails already while on the ferry and getting myself ready for the day.

    I am in reasonably good spirits today. I am looking forward to my mother’s visit this week. I’m also looking forward to getting this divorce process done. I want to get out of this house. There is no soul/charm/personality and I really am looking forward to moving on.

    Highlights of My Working Day:
    OMG busy! Again!

  • Worked on client deliverable
  • 5 meetings! 1 project team meeting, 1 staff meeting, 2 speaker planning meetings, 1 internal planning/agenda meeting. Whew!
  • I will need to get real work done tomorrow.

    I’m on the ferry now, riding home. Tired. But it is sunny outside. I’m looking forward to picking up the kids. Looking forward to catching up with them since I did not see them this weekend. The Twins were very talkative this morning… its amazing how quickly they change. I can see the difference in them from only being away for 2 1/2 days! So I’m looking forward to learning about them tonight. And hearing about Big Bro’s Monday as Leader of the Motley Crew. And hoping that Red had a good day despite her lack of sleep last night.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I picked up Red first, then the Twins. We picked up Big Bro last so he could ride his bike from school to home. I suggested that he take an alternate route… a path that winds around a man-made lagoon which is really pretty. We’ve gone on it many times before. When he got to that part of the journey, he wasn’t sure where it would lead and he decided to come back up on the sidewalk and me follow him home in the van. So cute. He was brave, then backed down to the safety of what he knows. That’s OK. I had fun following him and the kids had fun cheering him on along the way.
  • At home I cooked; Big Bro helped with parts of the dinner. He also helped clean up some spilled water (Twin Crazy). Red helped set the table.
  • Kids ate well, except for Twin Crazy. She got cranky later so I brought out milk for everyone.
  • We played outside since it was light out from the time change. Big Bro and I played “kick back” which is just kicking a ball back and forth. Twin Husky was busy throwing a basketball in the air. Twin Crazy was frustrated with her pretend stroller, and Red was trying on shoes.
  • Twin Crazy was playing with her milk and I eventually took it away from her. She gets so upset when you are mad at her. I asked her if she needed some mommy-time and she said “Yeah…. Mommy time…..”. So I sat with her in the hallway, talked with her about how I felt mad at her. And why I felt mad at her. That she was playing with her milk and not listening. But that it’s OK, that people get mad. It’s OK to feel mad. And even though I was mad at her, I still love her. And then Red added in: “yeah mommy, and you love her so so so so so so much”. So cute. I guess Red remembers similar conversations with her.
  • Bedtime – I had Big Bro and Red. They got ready really quickly. Red asked me to pull something out of her jacket that she forgot downstairs so I did and almost shit my pants when I saw and felt a squishy fake bug. So of course I made a big deal out of it upstairs with them. Then Big Bro started picking his toes and I had Red cracking up about how gross that was. Yuck. They were both reasonably ready for bed, Big Bro with a Lego project so I asked him to get into bed when he was ready. Goodnight guys. I love you so much.
  • Kisses for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. “I……. love…… you” whispers. “Sweet dreams”.
  • Afterwards, I made some “mail” for Red for her pre-school class. I printed a picture of Dora, Princesses, and Mini-mouse. Then made little notes and made envelopes to her. One from mommy, one from daddy, and one from Big Bro, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.
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    I’m now sitting in bed, listening to quiet kids in the monitor. I think Red finally quit the “hold my hand until I fall asleep” routine. That one was tough. I think we did it. I can’t believe how good Big Bro and Red were tonight. They were both so helpful. It’s good to have them around again. I don’t know if they were so good because I was away this weekend, or maybe Big Bro felt like he was happy from his bike ride…. I’m not sure but I need to figure it out. They were all wonderful tonight.

    I had a great Monday.
    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

    Staying Sane: Rest


    There are certain things that the body and soul need to refuel and recharge. Food. Water. Sugar. Chocolate. Laughter. Sunshine. Sex. Rest. I want to focus on the last since I did receive a lot of rest this weekend with and around the kids. There was also a lot of laughter and chocolate (but alas no sex) but I digress. 🙂

    Having a job is hard work. They call it “work” for a reason. Having children is also hard work. When you have one child, every spare moment is spent obsessing about the one child – very little goes to yourself. Then number two rolls around, and by the time numbers three and four come into the world, the notion of rest seems elusive but honestly does become possible.

    Saturday:

  • I spent the morning with Big Bro and Red. The sun was out but the air was cold. We decided to go to a playground in our neighborhood. I was still feeling down from the night before, and I also had to spend some time with Red in the middle of the night — so I was in a bit of a slow and melancholy mood. But I had the chance to interact with the kids to support them when they were doing something brave (e.g., going down the fireman pole on the play structure for the first time), pushing them on the swings, and organizing their snacks for them. But most of the time I just sat on the park bench, with my feet in the warm sand, and watched them. I let myself stray from their experience and became an outsider looking in. I let my defenses down and sat, and watched, and laughed, and stayed silent – not wanting to interupt their interaction. I sat on that bench for awhile thinking of things yet not thinking of anything in particular. I sat on the bench with my feet in the sand listening to the kids laughter and being thankful that at least in this moment they get along and are happy with their worlds. I sat, wriggled my toes, closed my eyes towards the sun, listened to their laughter, and of course had my camera phone ready.
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  • During lunchtime we were reunited with Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. We opened surprise gifts from my mom (Nana) that included books and matching stuffed animals. The kids were thrilled for the animals and we read their books before nap. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky even wanted to sleep with their books in their cribs.
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  • I napped while everyone else napped and did not feel guilty at all.
  • Sunday:

  • I felt more like myself today. I was woken up to the kids downstairs in my room at 7:30 AM. They know that we don’t get out of bed until 8 AM so it was OK for me to stay put. They tend to entertain themselves. But for some reason, all four of these kids were in my room and wanting to come up in bed with me and hang out, rather than play outside. Big Bro was the one that lifted Twin Crazy and Twin Husky out of their cribs. These kids are a pack and they were so cute this morning. It was a great way for me to wake up.
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  • I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky for the AM and took them to an interactive creative museum where they painted on glass, played with a funky kind of playdough called Blubber, and also jumped on waterbeds and laughed and got tickeled by me. I love the waterbed/lilli-pad area. There are lots of comfortable places for the parents to hang out and watch the kids and I even go onto the waterbeds and lay and play with the kids. It is calming despite the activity from the young ones. It is easy. You know they can run around and climb and not get lost, not get hurt. So again, I lost myself a few times in peace. Peace is not the right word…. I was not as satisfied as “peace” but not quite “sad”… maybe somewhere in between. Disappointed, run down, maybe just trying to recharge and not dwell on details of my life. Taking a pause to again just sit and watch the kids in action. Taking an outsider point of view and letting them go where they needed to go and then come back when they wanted to come back. Knowing they were OK. And knowing they would come back to me. So it was OK for me to rest and just “be”. But then I got my charge back and participated (maybe even caused) commotion and tickling and my voice was getting raw and I even had stranger kids coming over to me to get tickeled. I had to keep looking up to find the parents and ask if it was OK for the “tickling fingers” to get their kids too. At around 12:00 though the room became much quieter as other families were heading home. And my kids were jumping and rolling and staying down saying night-night. Then the stranger kids were resting and saying night-night. That was my cue that it was time to wrap it up.
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  • They got up from their naps a bit too soon – for some reason Twin Husky was crying; so I took the opportunity to take them both down and we rested in silence on the couch – we were like this for a good 20 minutes until everyone else came home
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    So, there was activity and laughter and reflection over the weekend, and also a lot of REST. To recharge. To take a break. To pause and witness the kids smiles and laughter. And to see them be kids, and be kids with each other.

    And in looking back at other photos in my photo-stream, here are some other highlights of recent restful moments with my babies —

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    How do you re-charge? What does “rest” mean to you? How are you able to grab times of rest during your busy week????

    Thanks for listening –
    – Mama K

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