September 28: Tired.


Friday!   It was a long one.

Highlights of the Day:

  • Woke up to Red and Cocoa.  Then Twin Husky.  Then Twin Crazy.  All were in my bed.  I love the morning hugs from these kids.
  • We ate fast; Big Bro again helped with making bread and butter, and also with vitamins.  They all changed quickly and got their shoes on and packed without a problem.  I sent them outside to the car as I finished gathering some things together.  They are doing remarkably well with these morning drives.  I keep the radio off and we talk about things.   Today, it was extremely foggy after we got through the hillside and I talked about the fog and how the big hill holds back the fog from where we live.  How the sun burns off the fog in several hours.  We wondered if we would see Twin Crazy’s “castle” buildings, and we did.  They had special lights on today and we all said we should check on a sunny day to see if those same lights are on.
  • Drop offs were great; Big Bro headed off to his classroom with no problems, even ran a bit.  How cute.  Red laughed with one of her diva friends at school and it was so cute to see them together laughing.   On the way out, we bought more toys – this time wooden blocks.  Twin Husky carried them out, looking all muscular.  He looks like a complete disaster.  Banged up knees, elbows, and huge fat lip from falling yesterday.  The poor kid though has a huge threshold for pain.  Nothing bothers him.
  • Back at home, Twin Crazy, Twin Husky, and I did our normal routine together… watered the plants outside, did some weeding, fed the chickens, gathered some old leaves for our compost tumbler.
  • Inside, Twin Husky wanted to rest a bit.  Twin Crazy took out a blank notebook and said she wanted to read a story.  So together we made one up.  It was about a dog named Pete who went to the park to play with balls.   I love how she uses her imagination and I love how she played this game with me.   We went back and forth making up the story together.  She turned the blank pages of the notebook along as we “read”.
  • I called the doctor about Twin Crazy’s pink eye and Twin Husky’s rash that looks like ringworm (thanks to the old guinea pig, Batman).   She called in a prescription.
  • Early lunch, early nap.   Even I fell asleep for a bit.
  • We woke up, picked up meds, and hauled ass to school to pick up Big Bro and Red.
  • I took them to an airplane museum.  The funny thing is that the part they loved the most were the planes on the outside of the museum where they could climb in – this part was absolutely free.  So next time I know not to bother to pay for admission.   They had a blast.  Pretending to fly, and Big Bro going to “air traffic control” to direct traffic.  So cute.
  • I then took them to a playground.  The girls were coloring while the boys were busy making a mess in the sand.  I was completing a page in a coloring book with Red that we started the night before.  That was my project with her today.  She shared a page with Twin Crazy.  She wanted to share a page with Big Bro but he was too particular and then he started to break Red’s crayons.  I got so mad that I packed them up and left.  Why is the eldest the absolute hardest to deal with, always?!??!?!?!?!?

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I’m at home now and before I left I talked with Big Bro and told him that I didn’t want to leave being angry with him, and if he understood why I felt the way I did… that Red was being very generous trying to share her book and that I felt that he was being difficult only wanting the one page that Red and I were already working on.  He still feels his own way.  He is very much like me.  Stubborn.  But at least I talked with him about it and told him that I love him anyway even if he made me mad.

I’m tired.  This week caught up with me.  My house looks like a disaster.  I just want to lay down and sleep.  Which I think I will.  Waking up early and attacking the house will give me something to do – it’s supposed to be gorgeous out this weekend and I’m looking forward to hanging out with the kids outside with the rest of the neighborhood kids.

Have a great weekend everybody –

– Mama K

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January 10: A new day.


I was REALLY having a rough time this morning waking up. I went to bed late last night and the past couple of nights have given me spotty sleep. It’s catching up to me now. I had a really sweet morning though with the kids – some really magical moments that still have me thinking that I have the most wonderful kids in the world.

Highlights of My Morning and Commute:

  • I showered quickly and threw on jeans. It will be a jeans day in the office today (self-proclaimed). Red, Twin Husky, Twin Crazy were already at the counter eating cereal. I gave each my morning kiss on their head, and we talked about the shape of the cereal. Are these triangles? NO. Are these squares? NO. Are these circles? Yes these are circles. Good. Circles. The kids are very funny when they really exaggerate the “NO’s” to this routine – shaking their heads back and forth. Then for some reason Twin Crazy started talking about monkeys – “Oooo oooo aaahhhh ahhhh”. I asked her where the monkeys were? Outside? She pointed to Twin Husky. Is Twin Husky a monkey? NOOOOOOOOOOOO says Twin Husky shaking his head back and forth. So cute.
  • I go up to wake up Big Bro and gather the clothes for the day. Big Bro jumps up from his bed, and then proceeds to jump on the bed, straight up and down. He only did it for 10 seconds or so – I asked him if this is his normal wake up routine and he said Yeah, laughing. I laughed too. It was kindof like he was shaking the sleep out of his little body. And then he was ready for the day. Smiling. Awesome.
  • Big Bro remembered that it was Chocolate Tuesday – so Hubby had a second series of breakfast to get ready. Next I looked all kids were devouring chocolate bagels, chocolate tortillas.
  • Twin Crazy coming into my room to show me her tortilla with her chocolate on it. She scrapes off the chocolate and asks for “more chocolate please”
  • I didn’t have my coffee yet but I was trying to help the kids – it looked like they needed some water with all of the bread they were eating so I offered it to them. One of the plastic cups “jumped” out of my hands and there was flying water all over the place. I asked the kids if they saw that and what was that cup doing flying out of my hands? The kids were laughing. I said it was an accident and I didn’t do it on purpose – that it was no problem because I’ll just clean up the mess. I asked if anyone took a “shower” from my spill as a joke and all of the kids said No, seriously. (cute)
  • Kids still laughing about “Fish Ranch Road” and how we didn’t see any fish on the road from the weekend
  • Red asking if I can take her to school today since I took Big Bro and Twins yesterday. Then Big Bro gets upset since he had to share his ride with the Twins. These kids are aching for more one-on-one Mommy time. And they are doing great about talking about their feelings (I am really focusing on that now with them)
  • Red had a breakdown over her clothes; she wanted to wear her butterfly shirt again (it is now her favorite). I was REALLY trying with her but she was being her red-haired fiesty self. One of my tricks was asking if I could take a picture of the butterfly shirt (knowing that I was going to write about this). But then Big Bro came up with something genious. He surprised me. He suggested that maybe she would take off her butterfly shirt if SHE took the picture (IT WORKED). Fist pumps to Big Bro!! I am still smiling at how empathetic he is, and how well we can act as a team – I continuously talk to them about how we have to help each other out – that is what family means; we all need help from time to time and it is our job as family members to help out when we can. These kids get it.
  • As soon as the rest left and it was just me and Red, her mood lifted considerably. We were talking about my coffee, my keys, jacket…. as I was getting things together she was my cute little side-kick. All smiles. Laughing. It’s amazing how quickly those moods can change. From tears to laughs.
  • On the ride to her pre-school, Red asked about the “clocks” on the front of the car. I talked to her about them – that they are not clocks, but each of the dials do measure certain things. A clock measures the time. These dials measure how fast the car goes, how hard the engine is working, how much gas we have in the tank, and how hot or cold the engine is. I love these simple conversations with the kids. But even better, I love the questions that they ask. They are VERY inquisitive and I encourage that. I say that is a great way to learn – to ask questions. That is how they learn about the world around them.
  • Wow. I wrote a lot. I think its because I didn’t get much time with the kids last night. So I always seem to take more in on these mornings… I think I am more apt to pick up on smaller things that I would otherwise overlook.

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    I am on the ferry now – I will have a busy day. I need to get the proposal off to the client today. I really need to get the conference meeting notes done (from 3 months ago, damn it). I have to follow up with some billing issues. I have loose ends hanging over my shoulder that I need to just bang-out.

    And I have a mountain of preparation to do on a personal front. Forensic kind of stuff. Documentation of assets leading up to the birth and ultimate death of a marriage. I’m not looking forward to this at all. Hopefully we treat each other fairly so we can still be good partners for our children in the future.

    I remember walking off the ferry and walking to work. The sun was shining and it felt wonderful on my face. I held my head high, closed my eyes, and looked up towards the sun while walking. I was taking it in. The air, the sun, the walk, the motion. The breeze through my hair. I am ready for the day, and feel much stronger than yesterday. Could it really be the result of the dose of the children?

    Highlights of My Working Day:

    I’m going to keep this part very brief.

  • I worked on the client proposal and it finally went out!! Yeah!! It would be great to win this for my sales efforts, but the delivery of work scares me. I feel like I have a lot going on and a big client project may complicate things a bit. But I need to win it. Let’s keep our fingers crossed.
  • I had a conversation with a peer about the meeting minutes… He’s not doing them either!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!! Everyone has agreed that they are too detailed, no-one asks for them, and no-one ever has questions with them after they receive them. So why bother??? Yeeeehoooooo!!!!
  • And alas, I hate to say it, but I was sidetracked a lot today on personal stuff. I got the ball rolling with requests of information I need to obtain; but it needs to be well thought out and complete. I only get one chance at this. I need to make sure I capture the right information and its complete. I have a meeting with my lawyers this week and I want to be extremely efficient at this next meeting. I want to have everything organized for them so that they don’t waste time and therefore keep their charges reasonable.
  • I almost missed the ferry. I looked down at the clock and it was going to leave in 10 minutes. I have never tried to make the ferry this late before. I freaked. I shut everything down and hauled ass out of the office. On the elevator I took my shoes off, positioned my bag, shoes, and jacket, and then proceeded to RUN full steam ahead to the ferry. I made it just in time! Whew!

    Dinner and Bedtime:

    I’m on the ferry, and the sun is still shining. My heart is pounding from the run. I sit and catch up with a neighbor. I’m thinking of the kids and also dinner. Chicken?

  • Pick up from Red was terrific – she ran into my arms and actually jumped up onto my body – all smiles, huge hugs. I LOVE THIS.
  • We quickly got Big Bro. He looked terrible. He is sniffling all over the place, and his face was all blotchy and red. His poor nose. And his eye was all red and sore from rubbing it. OMG please tell me no it’s not pink-eye. The daycare provider said that he was not himself all day long. 😦
  • Pick ups for Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were fine. Me and Twin Husky were talking about the beautiful sky. [He repeats, “beautiful sky”]
  • I run in and get the kids unpacked, shoes and jackets off, and set Big Bro on the couch to watch some TV. We don’t do this often but he needed it the poor guy. Twin Crazy and Red were interested in watching some with him. Twin Husky was interested in exploring, turning off the lights, and helping me cook. Then Twin Crazy and Red started to help me cook. So cute. They were smelling spices and stirring and Red was fully responsible for the vegetables, putting them in the bowl and closing up the bag. We made Tandoori Chicken tonight, which again was a HUGE hit. Big Bro had three platefuls. I was amazed. Big Bro and Red were fighting over who could sit on my lap. They are both lobbying hard for more one-on-one time with me; and getting more aggressive about it.
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were using children’s knives for the first time. They were soooooooooooooo excited!!!
  • After dinner we rough-housed and I swung them in circles and we were all falling on the floor laughing. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy playing with the kitchen and “eating” ice-cream.
  • Chocolate milk!!!
  • Pink eye medicine! Ugggh. Poor guy.
  • We opened up a package today and it was the kids’ new lunchboxes. Red was thrilled but Big Bro got upset that he didn’t get his backpack yet. Why can’t he ever be satisfied with what we do with/for him? Ugggh. I know he’s sick but this is ridiculous.
  • Kids went to bed quickly because they were tired and not feeling well. Big Bro found a piece of his work that was thrown out by Hubby in the trash can and he started to flip out. I asked him to talk about it with Hubby when he returned from putting the Twins down. Big Bro asked me to help him. So I did. And Big Bro did great at telling the pieces and I commended him for talking about it with hubby, telling hubby how it made him feel, and then coming up with a solution for the future [Hubby ask Big Bro going forward if its OK to throw away certain items.]

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    I had a great day. I am feeling much more on my feet. I am tired, but I somehow feel like things will be OK for us. The hardest thing that I will have to go through is helping my children navigate through this now and in the future. It will not end. I will need to make sure these kids are getting what they need and that they are getting the healthiest environment possible given the situation. I will fight for them. And right now I feel ready.

    Signing off for now to get some sleep –
    Until tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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