February 24: My heart is elated and then breaking


Yeah! Friday! Time with the kids! Yet at the same time, ugggh… Friday… .that means another weekend is almost here….

I had a great day with the kids:

  • This morning went VERY smoothly; Big Bro, Twin Crazy, and Twin Husky were excited about the ride to Big Bro’s school. Red was very cooperative and got dressed all by herself first thing in the AM. Twin Crazy was excited about wearing a shirt with a hood and pockets. They all ate well and were super-excited about vitamins, as usual.
  • The ride to Big Bro’s school was nice – it was a beautiful day and the birds were singing. I asked the Twins what the birds were singing about and they said “worms” — this is a story that I made up with the kids several weeks ago… I was pretending that I was a bird and translating the chirps into “oooooh, good morning good morning good morning…. ohhh it’s a nice day outside…. ohhhhh I’m hungry for breakfast…. ohhh where are the worms, where are the worms, where are the worms…. ohhhh I’m looking for worms…..”. So it’s our own little joke now when we hear birds singing we say they must be singing about worms.
  • Twin Husky was playing with his rubber snake and I asked if it was a nice snake or a mean one… he said a mean one and then I pretended that the snake bit my finger and cried “Ouch”! Then each of them were pretending to be bitten by the snake and they each said “Ouch” too.
  • On the way back home I saw a team of gardeners with a lawnmower so took the opportunity to teach them about the lawnmower and how it is loud and how it cuts the grass and how the grass looks nice now…. it was cute. They were completely into it.
  • While at home, I had a chance in the early AM to brown a roast and make a quick sauce of broth, diced tomatoes, and spices and threw everything into a crock-pot. There. Dinner is essentially taken care of.
  • During the rest of the morning they had a good time coloring, eating, playing hide-and-seek with a blanket, doing puzzles, helping me unload the dishwasher, jumping, showing me their bellies, and being tickled by me.
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    Then it was lunch and nap-time for them. I straightened the house and got some personal items done. The afternoon would be spent in Child Custody mediation so I had a woman who previously helped us care for the kids come over a bit early so Twin Crazy and Twin Husky could wake up and see us with her — and talk about how we love her and how she used to take care of them when they were babies (and how they’re not babies anymore) and had her give them a snack of ice-cream before we left. They immediately took to her and had no problem saying goodbye to us and they went outside with her to play with scooters and bikes. Thank you Kendall!!! We do love you!!!!

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    It was a good dinner, a good pop-corn movie night. A good sister-bonding night. Red: “Do you want to sit here? I will sit right next to you, OK? It’s OK, I’m here, you’re not alone…”

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    But bedtime was rough. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight but Big Bro revolted, hard. It was a very difficult time for him, and me. After hearing him and seeing him and hearing him say that he doesn’t want to take turns anymore and him consistently coming downstairs to me….. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cleaned up as much as I could but then had to seclude myself in my room and cry, and cry, and cry. This is so hard. The forced separation while I am still here in the house is torturous; it’s hardest for Big Bro and he is at an age where he will remember. I am very concerned and it is just going to get harder for them. I need to be strong for them. And fight for what I believe is right for them.

    So today was a day of whiplash for me. It was so great and then so heartbreaking in a matter of hours. I feel like I’m alone in trying to find what is best for them in the long-run – but am putting my trust into a child psychiatrist / custody mediator whose job it is to work out a solution that is best for the children.

    I’m calling it a night –
    thanks for listening –
    – Mama K

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