May 2: Milkshakes and straws

It was a morning of lots of hugs and cuddles. A nice way to start the day. Since I worked from home on Monday, I am going into the office today – out of normal routine.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • I got to the Twins as they were waking up. Poor Twin Husky did not have his Tigers with him and he asked for them immediately. I asked if he had them last night and he said No. I suggested we look for them downstairs.
  • Twin Crazy was gradually getting up and I got her to the potty.
  • Big Bro and Red were slow getting up today.
  • Downstairs, Twin Crazy was VERY clingy and we all went into the garage to look for Twin Husky’s Tigers. They were in the van. Poor guy. He must have missed them last night. But he looked really happy to see them this morning.
  • Twin Crazy was so clingy…. Mommy, mommy, mommy…. So Twin Husky wanted to be held too. I got them both on the couch and on my lap and we looked into the camera and saw ourselves and I made sure to have the Tigers in there too. They were laughing at that.
  • Red was fine this morning
  • Big Bro was battling us with his clothes. I am still convinced that he did not change his underwear or his socks from yesterday. Checking the socks is difficult because he has 12 pairs that look exactly alike. I ask him point blank if he got changed and he says “yes”… not looking at me. So I go over to him and look at him in his eyes and ask him the same question and he laughs and says “yes”. This concerns me. This kid knows how to fib and I don’t want it to progress further. We have discussions about “trust” and how once you lose someone’s trust it is VERY hard to get it back. So it’s important to have people still have trust in you. I need to think of another trick to make sure he’s getting dressed. Any suggestions Mamas?
  • Drop offs were fine. I packed shoes for the Twins but they both wanted to wear sneakers with laces (big mistake… i need to throw them out) so I had each of them holding one of those shoes. I’m pretty sure this will cause some sort of fight between them today. I’ll throw them out tonight.
  • Red drop off was great; we asked another mom about coming to the birthday party on Saturday for a friend that Red forgot about (as did I). I need to send this woman the info.
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    I’m on the ferry now and feeling OK. I was so wiped out yesterday. I feel like today is a fresh start. I have some things related to the divorce that I need to attend to and then I MUST devote the bulk of today to my client project. I hate client projects at this point. I shouldn’t be doing them. I can’t succeed at them with four kids. My work knows this. I was only staffed on it because there were no available managers at the time it was started. I can’t wait to be done with it so I can focus on my real job.

    Highlights of My Working Day:
    It was a busy day and I got a lot of work done.

  • I started the day with some personal items – sending out birthday emails, making photocopies, etc.
  • I then switched gears pretty significantly to client work. I set the team up in a conference room for us to work with each other all day. I reviewed a document, had a conference call with the client to review the document. It was a good call with good, reasonable suggestions by the client. We are on track.
  • Because of this, I took the team to lunch. It was wonderful.
  • We then went back to work — I spent time creating analysis for a section of the work. It was good to have the team together. We bounced ideas off of each other and got the work done quickly. The most efficient way to get client projects done, I believe, is having the team together face-to-face even if each team-member is working on their own section of work.
  • I will have more to do tonight, likely after the kids go to bed.
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    I am on the ferry now feeling reasonably good. I know that I have work to do tonight but I think it will be manageable. I also have tomorrow “off” and plan to keep the Twins for myself – and likely pick up Red early so that she can ride her bike back from her daycare. We will also need to make cupcakes for her tomorrow so she can bring them into class on Friday. I am looking forward to being with them tomorrow.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I picked up Red first and her teacher was proud of the strawberries that were starting to grow from their class project. So we went to find the strawberries and I told Red that she was a great farmer.
  • We picked up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky next. They are great. Twin Husky wanted to go into Big Bro’s car seat, and Twin Crazy wanted to drive. She was busy pressing buttons and then I had a hard time figuring out how to get the doors to automatically shut. I eventually found the buttons and Twin Crazy was anxious to see if I could fix the problem. Lucky for her!
  • We went to pick up Big Bro and there were two boys left for me to invite to the birthday party. But I didn’t have their parents email address – they are kids that he plays with at “aftercare” so I wrote their moms personal notes. Hopefully they can come – Big Bro is excited. He rode his bike home but stopped 1/2 way because it was too windy for him.
  • We got home and I started to make dinner; Big Bro helped me mix some spices that I use for Mama K’s Mac-n-Cheese.
  • THE KIDS ATE LIKE TEENAGERS. Mac-n-cheese, fish, leftover pizza, string beans. All kids ate all of their food… so I decided to forego the fruit dessert and head straight for a milkshake… the kids were so excited and downed their milkshakes, and then had fun with the paper straws.
  • I cleaned up from dinner, then played with the kids. I had Twin Crazy and Twin Husky tonight and they were wonderful. They read pictures to me and even made the sounds of the animals. I am amazed at how well Twin Crazy can say her words. She is so understandable. I wasn’t expecting that of twins. She speaks her words SO CLEARLY and enunciates the sounds so well. “Duck”, “pig”, “cat”, etc. are all pronounced with the full sounds – beginning to end. I love it. And Twin Husky loves to talk about parts of the stories. His favorite book now is the Busy Spider or something like that from Eric Carle. He loves the part where the spider is sleeping and he loves to count the stars. We do our routine… climb into the cribs, touch their faces, “I……. love…… you……” in a whisper. Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Bye bye. Blow kisses.
  • I went in and gave Red and Big Bro kisses on their heads.
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    I’m downstairs now after a shower and a good face cleaning (Clarisonic, love it). I’m looking forward to tomorrow on my day off from work – a chance for me to decompress with the kids. My goal with them tomorrow is to bake cupcakes for Red’s birthday party at school.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

    November 23: One-on-one time with Big Bro

    Today was a work-at-home day. And it was a 1/2 day. And it is the day before Thanksgiving. And we decided not bring Big Bro in for “day camp” today and save the extra money.

    That meant that I had some extra time with Big Bro, just me and him.

    • We dropped of the Twins and Red. She wanted to wear her little turkey head band again today. She is too cute. Her teacher chuckled when she saw Red back at school with the hat on. Too cute.


    • I did some work and reached out to a number of prospects for a new forum we are trying to launch. As I did this, Big Bro watched a movie.
    • I straightened up the house and unpacked some Yankee Candles that I ordered. Pumpkin Pie and French Vanilla scents. I love candles. The house just felt warmer with them on.
    • We went out to lunch. We talked. He felt tired and rested his head on my lap for a bit. We held hands. I loved this time with him. I feel like I love him so much that my heart hurts. I asked him if I told him how much I loved him yet today, he said yes, but I kissed his nose anyway.


    • We went shopping at Trader Joe’s for our entire Thanksgiving dinner. I love that place. We were in and out in less than 20 minutes. They had everything and the place wasn’t too crowded. There were little turkey footprint stickers leading the way to the turkeys. We left with four strips of stickers.



    Dinner and Bedtime were a bit routine; with the exception of the older kids wanting to read to the younger kids. And also Red asking me to spend some alone time with her, doing exactly what I was doing with Big Bro today. Her face looked so sweet and patient when she asked me this. It’s not like she is jealous of Big Bro – in fact, I hear them right now talking up a storm upstairs – they get along really well. I just always sense her neediness. And I feel bad for her that she went to school while he stayed at home, it’s just that I had work to do and I can accomplish things with him and not nearly as much when she is around – she is much more interactive so I can’t focus on work while she’s here.

    This does frighten me. How on earth am I going to be able to give each of these children what they need? How much more can I possibly give? Am I shortchanging them individually because I have so many children collectively?

    There’s a sense of sweetness that I’m feeling now, the night before Thanksgiving – with my children who touch me in ways I’ve never dreamed imaginable. How Big Bro took my hand at lunch and how we sat there in silence briefly just being there with each other. How Red looks at me and expresses her need to be with me – while she’s hugging me and laying in my lap. How I danced softly holding Twin Husky earlier in the evening because he seemed more tired than normal and how he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. How Twin Crazy looked at me tonight and said “I did it” and then I looked down at her foot and she had a sandal on, apparently put on by her, all by herself.

    But at the same time there is such a feeling of solitude. Loneliness. Despite the new work arrangement and the happiness that it has brought me. There is more. I need more. But I will spend time tomorrow feeling thankful for this family and what we have.

    Have a great Thanksgiving everyone –
    – Mama K

    September 8: Mommy!!!! I ate all my lunch today!!!!

    This was a pretty good morning. Good mix of fun and tears.

    Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

    • Red winds up in our bed at 6:30 AM as usual. She is completely dressed for pre-school.
    • Hubby takes shower while I grab the Twins. Each are up, laughing, while Big Bro is in their room hiding under his blanket. He loves entertaining them. I diaper the twins and they are busy talking to me while I do this. So cute.
    • Big Bro hangs out with me while I shower; the rest are downstairs eating breakfast with Hubby.
    • When I get downstairs, Big Bro has already headed to the train set and set up some tracks. BIG NO NO. NO TOYS BEFORE BREAKFAST AND GETTING DRESSED!!!! He should know better than this. I am not happy. We need these kids “on” for food and clothes in the AM or else we really run the risk of being late.
    • Twins want up out of their seats. Twin Crazy is clingy. Wants to be held so she can see what’s going on. I have Red help me make my instant coffee and we talk about each step with Twin Crazy. She loves that.
    • I get bag ready. Wow. We are early. All kids are getting their shoes on and getting ready for the van but it is only 7:30.
    • We decide to do all 3 drop offs together since we have time on our side. While I’m upstairs getting my jacket, I hear MASSIVE screaming from multiple kids downstairs… even Big Bro is calling up for me to come downstairs QUICK. Apparently Red and Twin Crazy were both in the double stroller (probably standing up) and the thing tipped over. They were both fine but very scared. Poor things. I sat there hugging them for awhile and saying it was OK but it was probably really scary for them. I gathered all kids out of the garage until we were REALLY ready to leave.
    • OK! 7:45!!! Time to go!
    • 1st drop off: REd. Big Bro wants to go too so we tell them it has to be QUICK. Twins are talking on the way over there. “Boat.” I am starting to put on my make up (9 AM meeting that I will be late for.. .so need to be ready in advance). Drop off is fast, but we are there so early that the routine is a little different – all kids are dropped off in the middle of the center until 8 AM when their “real” teachers arrive. REd is hesitant at first but doesn’t skip a beat. She does fine playing with pegs as Big Bro and I leave.
    • 2nd drop off: Twins. No problem. We tell her that Twin Crazy has had a hard morning.
    • 3rd drop off: Big Bro. We all get out of the car and play in the playground until 8:10 when the kids line up with their teachers. In the meantime I push Big Bro on a swing REAL high and he (and I) have a blast.
    • Hubby drops me off at Ferry station – plenty of time. Our entire drop off routine lasted 35 minutes this morning. He has another meeting so will not be taking the ferry today.

    Now I’m on the ferry, with make up on and a coffee. The sky looks hazy and it looks colder today. Today at work we have a 3 hour strategy session for our team; I will be presenting on two topics. I’ve been there for 7 years now and am viewed as a valued contributor, which makes me feel good. We tend to hear the same things over and over through the years at these meetings, but our team now looks so different than we had in the past. We are poised for change and may actually have an appetite to do things differently than we have before. I’m excited to hear if that will be the attitude and direction that we take….

    Highlights of my Working Day:

    • Had a 4 hour strategy meeting with our team; gave two presentations on areas to grow our revenues
    • did follow up sales efforts for a meeting in October
    • did other miscellaneous admin work, including setting up final meetings with the colleague who is transferring her responsibilities to me

    I’m on the ferry home now. I remembered to bring the fruit I bought yesterday. I will likely work from home tomorrow so I also have my work computer. I have a heavy load today.

    I’m also carrying a heavy load in my heart. I’ve been trying to advocate change for my family for over a year and it feels like we’re still in status quo. This is so unacceptable and frustrating for me. I feel helpless and trapped and I’m so tired of having the same one-way conversations over and over and over and over again. My throat hurts I’ve been talking so much. My head hurts. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep to keep from thinking. So, I guess I’m not in a good mood. I’m not sure if seeing my kids will swing me out of it either.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

    • I am surprised to get picked up by our mini-van while I’m walking home from the ferry.
    • Red: “Mommy I ate all my lunch today!!!” She is so proud.
    • We put together an EASY quick dinner – mac-n-cheese and hot dogs. Hubby makes dinner while I play with kids. Today Big Bro and Red are interested in cars so Red takes out the “car mat” with all of the roads where they can pretend to drive.
    • The Twins are interested in the trains and also the cars, going back and forth, and Twin Crazy is even sitting on the car mat with her choo-choo train tracks and trains.
    • We eat quickly. Fruit for dessert (I almost broke an arm carrying it all back). I wind up with 3 kids on my lap and then at one point all of the kids are laughing and babbling at full throttle, on purpose. It was really funny. I wish I grabbed a movie of it.
    • Red: “Mommy I ate all my lunch today!!!” She is so proud.
    • I talk to Big Bro and REd about doing something nice for the fire-fighters this Sunday (9/11). We think about what would be nice to get them ask presents — card games, cross word puzzles, snacks. Big Bro goes to our cabinet and picks out a pudding box. He wants to wrap it NOW to be part of the basket. He is excited about this project. I mention that I will pick Big Bro and Red up early tomorrow and we can go shopping together for other things for the basket – and on Sunday we can walk over to the fire station and deliver it to them, and say thank-you to them. This is something that I would like to do each year, and Hubby agrees that it would be nice to do. Once Big Bro gets a bit older and he loses his innocence the tone of the tradition will obviously change – I can wait for that.
    • OK! Time to go up! We are moving bedtime up a bit these days since Big Bro is always so tired. I change the Twins into PJs – I love doing this with them. That’s when I get to focus on them.
    • Red: “Mommy I ate all my lunch today!!!” She is so proud.
    • Upstairs singing and reading to the Twins is just so sweet. Twin Husky is focused on colors in a book. Twin Crazy loves singing and using her hands for Twinkle, Twinkle, etc. They are so sweet. Their worlds are opening up in front of my eyes.
    • Big Bro and Red are already brushed, peed, and changed by the time we get to them. They are making it easier and easier for us each night. We pick out their clothes for tomorrow. Books went great.
    • Red: “Mommy I ate all my lunch today!!!” She is so proud.

    I wonder what we will pack for lunch tomorrow…. the pressure is on.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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