March 12: Not a bad Monday

Monday, after a long weekend, with little sleep. And I will be busy today. Not good. Last night’s sweet reunion with the kids was at 8 PM – Twin Crazy was acting silly and saying “Hiya”. Big Bro was tired, as was Red and Big Bro. I had all four kids on the floor with me as they came back into the house. Twin Crazy and Red on my lap, Twin Husky half on my lap and the floor, and Big Bro in a fetal position laying next to me on the floor. It was a late night for them. By the time Big Bro went to sleep, it was past 10:15 PM.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up to Red screaming between 5 – 6 AM. I went up several times to soothe her.
  • Big Bro was excited about leading the pack of the Motley Crew today. His day is Mondays.
  • Red was fine after she got dressed into her favorite Dora shirt.
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy eating breakfast, and talking alot. Talking about how their bowls were circles and how tangerines are balls. Twin Crazy brought Red her hot pink phone, and brought Twin Husky his bear stuffed animal. She is so sweet.
  • Twin Husky was acting goofy and sticking pieces of bread crusts out of his mouth like two teeth.
  • All kids were having fun this AM. Interacting with each other and taking care of each other. Twin Husky needs to have his pile of things with him (basketball, tigers, rubber snake, bear) and the kids were helping him organize his stuff next to him.
  • Getting out of the house was easy today. Big Bro was eager to leave on his bike. I found Twin Crazy and Twin Husky playing with their scooters outside in the driveway, laughing. Twin Crazy is REALLY good at the scooter. She glides and everything.
  • We drop off Twins first; then Red. It is picture day for Red and we forgot. Her hair looks like Einstein and I ask the teacher to please comb it before the pictures.
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    Now I’m on the ferry and I have so much to do today – I have a 9 AM conference call that I have to lead and I need to figure out where I’m going to go for quiet space to have this conversation – the ferry gets in just close to 9 AM so I need to figure that out. I have 4 [update; no make that 5] other meetings/conferences calls after that. I need to figure out what work I need to do between those and need to get organized when I get into the office.

    I’m attending to emails already while on the ferry and getting myself ready for the day.

    I am in reasonably good spirits today. I am looking forward to my mother’s visit this week. I’m also looking forward to getting this divorce process done. I want to get out of this house. There is no soul/charm/personality and I really am looking forward to moving on.

    Highlights of My Working Day:
    OMG busy! Again!

  • Worked on client deliverable
  • 5 meetings! 1 project team meeting, 1 staff meeting, 2 speaker planning meetings, 1 internal planning/agenda meeting. Whew!
  • I will need to get real work done tomorrow.

    I’m on the ferry now, riding home. Tired. But it is sunny outside. I’m looking forward to picking up the kids. Looking forward to catching up with them since I did not see them this weekend. The Twins were very talkative this morning… its amazing how quickly they change. I can see the difference in them from only being away for 2 1/2 days! So I’m looking forward to learning about them tonight. And hearing about Big Bro’s Monday as Leader of the Motley Crew. And hoping that Red had a good day despite her lack of sleep last night.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I picked up Red first, then the Twins. We picked up Big Bro last so he could ride his bike from school to home. I suggested that he take an alternate route… a path that winds around a man-made lagoon which is really pretty. We’ve gone on it many times before. When he got to that part of the journey, he wasn’t sure where it would lead and he decided to come back up on the sidewalk and me follow him home in the van. So cute. He was brave, then backed down to the safety of what he knows. That’s OK. I had fun following him and the kids had fun cheering him on along the way.
  • At home I cooked; Big Bro helped with parts of the dinner. He also helped clean up some spilled water (Twin Crazy). Red helped set the table.
  • Kids ate well, except for Twin Crazy. She got cranky later so I brought out milk for everyone.
  • We played outside since it was light out from the time change. Big Bro and I played “kick back” which is just kicking a ball back and forth. Twin Husky was busy throwing a basketball in the air. Twin Crazy was frustrated with her pretend stroller, and Red was trying on shoes.
  • Twin Crazy was playing with her milk and I eventually took it away from her. She gets so upset when you are mad at her. I asked her if she needed some mommy-time and she said “Yeah…. Mommy time…..”. So I sat with her in the hallway, talked with her about how I felt mad at her. And why I felt mad at her. That she was playing with her milk and not listening. But that it’s OK, that people get mad. It’s OK to feel mad. And even though I was mad at her, I still love her. And then Red added in: “yeah mommy, and you love her so so so so so so much”. So cute. I guess Red remembers similar conversations with her.
  • Bedtime – I had Big Bro and Red. They got ready really quickly. Red asked me to pull something out of her jacket that she forgot downstairs so I did and almost shit my pants when I saw and felt a squishy fake bug. So of course I made a big deal out of it upstairs with them. Then Big Bro started picking his toes and I had Red cracking up about how gross that was. Yuck. They were both reasonably ready for bed, Big Bro with a Lego project so I asked him to get into bed when he was ready. Goodnight guys. I love you so much.
  • Kisses for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky. “I……. love…… you” whispers. “Sweet dreams”.
  • Afterwards, I made some “mail” for Red for her pre-school class. I printed a picture of Dora, Princesses, and Mini-mouse. Then made little notes and made envelopes to her. One from mommy, one from daddy, and one from Big Bro, Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.
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    I’m now sitting in bed, listening to quiet kids in the monitor. I think Red finally quit the “hold my hand until I fall asleep” routine. That one was tough. I think we did it. I can’t believe how good Big Bro and Red were tonight. They were both so helpful. It’s good to have them around again. I don’t know if they were so good because I was away this weekend, or maybe Big Bro felt like he was happy from his bike ride…. I’m not sure but I need to figure it out. They were all wonderful tonight.

    I had a great Monday.
    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

    March 8: Skinned knees

    I wasn’t working today and stayed home with my Munchkins. I decided to give Red the option if she wanted to stay home with us; she said yes, which REALLY pissed Big Bro off as I drove him to school.

    Highlights of the Morning:

  • Red woke up at 1 AM screaming. It woke me up without the monitor. I go upstairs and Daddy says from his room that “he’s not doing it”. I shake my head but go downstairs since the plan is for me to be “off” when he is “on”. This is what the kids are going to have to get used to. I turn the monitor on downstairs and hear him say something about having to go to work tomorrow. But Red is still screaming. I wait 15 minutes. Now Big Bro is calling through the monitor for me to come up and help. I find Red in the corner of her bed screaming. I hold her to calm her down. I tell her it’s OK to feel scared. That sometimes people feel scared and its OK. I offer suggestion to clap the scary things away and I do this several times. She is calm. I put her in bed. I say that it’s OK. She wants to hold my hand and I do briefly then pull away. She reaches out to me but I say its OK. She drifts to sleep without my hand, and me farther away in room, almost out of sight. She sleeps through the rest of the night.
  • I wake up to Red at 7 AM in my room, making my bed while I am still in it. She is laughing. She is telling me that it’s time to get up.
  • Twin Husky eats like a teenager – must be a growth spurt.
  • Twin Husky follows around Big Bro and then Big Bro starts acting silly, dancing around, and Twin Husky is following in his footsteps to a T. Twin Husky looks up to him so much. Wants to do everything like him. So cute.
  • We get into the car to drop of Big Bro. He is still mad at me for taking him to school.
  • On the way home we pull into the ferry parking lot to look at the ferry drive away. We talk about the boat and the people and say bye-bye to the ferry as it travels to the city.
  • At home, we play with play-dough. The kids make me “food” since it is a kitchen set too. Red makes me pizza, and then Twin Husky makes me pizza, and Twin Crazy is busy cooking with the play-dough stove.
  • We head outside since it is beautiful out. They all have scooters. Twin Crazy falls and skins a knee. We also start playing with balls.
  • I brown a cut of beef and put it in the slow cooker. I clean up a bit and even wipe down the fridge. The kids are all playing outside and it feels good for me to do this while I have energy.
  • We play outside; we eat lunch; kids take naps. I straighten up and take care of emails.
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    Highlights of the Afternoon and Evening:

  • Twins wake up from their naps; we go outside on scooters again. Twin Crazy falls and skins her other knee. I give her band-aids for both knees.
  • Red wakes up; Twin Crazy shows her the bandaids on her knees. We eat Oreos and head off to get Big Bro from school. We save him a fist-full of Oreos.
  • At home all kids are outside. We are having too much fun with scooters, strollers, and balls. Big Bro and I are kicking balls back and forth. They are bouncing off of the house, slamming into the bushes, and several went over fences. We laughed. Big Bro has great coordination and is a natural athlete. I would say “whoa” to one of his kicks and Twin Husky would parrot it afterwards. It was a lot of fun laughing and playing ball. Kicking for real with my son. I know in a few short years it will be Big Bro and Twin Husky doing this and they won’t want me around kicking balls to them. So I take this in now while I can.
  • Twin Husky falls several times because of those damn boots that he insists on wearing.
  • Red falls and skins a knee. All kids want to look at it.
  • Big Bro is busy with a stool trying to look over the fence to see where the balls are. He can’t see a thing because of all the trees. Twin Crazy and Twin Husky are scaling a trelice and it breaks away from the wooden fence.
  • Twin Crazy starts to fill up water cups from the refrigerator and gets herself soaked.
  • I cook the rest of dinner. Red rests on the couch from her skinned knee.
  • All the food goes. Kids think they deserve dessert. Big Bro goes into the freezer for ice-cream. I swiftly take it away since it is MINE. We decide to do movie-night instead, with popcorn, since they will be leaving tomorrow afternoon and therefore missing our standard Friday movie nights.
  • I had Big Bro and Red for bedtime tonight. They were great. He set out his bike helmet right next to his pile of clothes so that he could be ready very fast tomorrow AM (he gets his bike privilege back tomorrow).
  • Big Bro asked me: “Why did the cow cross the road?” I reply, “Why?”. He responds: “Because it wanted to get hit by a car.” I started cracking up so loudly I just couldn’t believe the humor and how he told the joke and how goofy he is. Red was laughing at both of us. I had to reach out and hug him.
  • Red had a hard time going to sleep. I calmed her down and sat with her for a bit. She drifted off to sleep (NOT holding my hand) and I thought to myself that she might be the most beautiful child in the world….
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    I’m pretty tired and am looking forward to sleep. I ache for the kids and I miss them already. I know they will have fun but I do not trust what will be said to them while they are away. They’ve been put in the middle in the past and that was pre-separation; I can’t even imagine what will be said now that the situation has changed so much for the worse. I honestly hope that they are reasonable enough to keep the kids out of it.

    I had a really good day today. I feel like I had a chance to be a parent and also a kid myself today. I had some great belly-laughs and saw sides of the kids that are new to me. I feel a bit lonely already for the weekend without them but at the same time am excited about my plans. The pain from a skinned knee is sharp at first but then fades as you get used to it and your body heals. That is all I can hope for myself for this weekend and in the future during the times without the kids.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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