Friday – the weekend is here and I am ready for it, I think. I had a very trying morning and lonely lunch — did not have much of a great day but I did manage to squeeze a good chunk of time in with all of the kiddos, which immediately made me feel better…. stronger.

• I made well-visit appointments for Twin Crazy and Twin Husky, and decided to take Big Bro as well so that all four kids would be in synch with their flu vaccinations (Red got one on Wed when I went with her for her pigeon-toe issue). While I had them, I decided to grab Red as well and take her along – that way we could go out to dinner together. The kids were great at the doctors. The bigger ones helped to care for the little ones and the little ones did great even though there were shots involved.

• I took them out to dinner afterwards. It looked like a pizza place on the outside, but when I got in, it was a fancy pizza / pasta / wine kindof place with cloth napkins. There were older couples and dates everywhere. Needless to say, we were the only table with four little ones (5, 3, and two 2 yr old twins) and one mama. The kids did great. Again, older ones helping little ones, me overseeing everything and making sure everyone was happy and entertained, and listening to everyone so that no-one felt ignored. It was a REALLY good dinner and the kids ate very well. As I packed everyone up, I had some people come up to me commending me on how I handle the kids and how calm and in control I was – they asked if I needed any help to the car and I said – No! This is my job! We’re off to get ice-cream now! 🙂

• Ice-cream was a hit, of course. There’s not much more to say about that.

• When we got home I showed Red her new princess sheets that were in the washer; she was so excited. I put them in the dryer and they were ready in no-time. She was thrilled and I helped her get her bed ready. Now both kids are excited about their new sheets (as am I) which does make a difference settling in at night.

• I bought a whole slew of books on “feelings” — Little Miss and Mr. Men series by Roger Hargreaves — and they arrived today. We read two of them tonight – “Mr. Happy” and “Little Miss Helpful”. They really are entertaining and funny – I was actually laughing out loud a couple of times. So far I recommend them — they are cute at talking about the feelings that we all have as people – something everyone can relate to –

Glad for today to be over; glad for the weekend; will be spending time with Big Bro and Red on Saturday and then Twin Crazy and Twin Husky on Sunday. And trying to keep my distance.

The thing that makes what I’m going through so difficult right now is that I feel like I have no-one to talk to. Close friends I’ve had out here have moved away once their own kiddos arrived (high cost of living) and the majority of the remaining friends are friendships with hubby. So they are keeping their distance. I feel like I’m out here alone – all family back east, close friends back east, few friends here. Time zones again work against me which makes this so difficult to stay connected except through cyberspace, which just isn’t enough for me right now.

I’m hurting for the life we could have made for our children and I’m hurting for the pain that they will go through now and in the future. That’s all I want to say right now but please if you know me PLEASE reach out; I need you now.

Till next week –
– Mama K