October ????? not sure what day. I’m on vacation.


I’m not sure what day it is. I’m not sure what time it is. It doesn’t matter. I’m on vacation. It is night-time though. I’m in bed and the kids are lined up on the floor each one sound asleep with their busy lungs and busy brains, hopefully dreaming about fun things and their time with Pop Pop and Emmy, my step-mom.

Today was a very normal day. A kind of stay at home while on vacation day. We did normal things. Nothing special. Went to a park. Fed the ducks and egrets. Searched for acorns. Had lunch. Napped. Played with my step-sister’s dog. Lounged by the pool although it was too cold to swim. Yes, I guess it does get cold in Florida. Had happy hour. Had BBQ. Big Bro went with Pop pop and Emmy to Walmart to get some things to entertain the kids on the plane. Twin Crazy took a bath. I did Red’s nails, in red. It was just a very normal day.

But it was a special normal day since the day to day activities were at my dad’s place – and we are getting the chance to experience each other on an extended basis. Something special happens on these kinds of trips. Once you hit a certain point, there is no need to entertain. No need to force conversation. People just are people with each other. So I am thankful that I have had this chance with my dad and his family and my children.

Tomorrow I will gather them up and take them to my dad’s office; where I’m sure we will cause quite a scene. They will draw pictures for him and he will put them up on his wall, until they are replaced by new pictures from their next visit…

I’ve attached a video that was actually not taken today – but several days ago when we were at my dad’s beach condo. At the time I thought I was taking pictures but the iPad was in video-mode so it’s a bit all over the place. This is how I feel this vacation is going. Going with the flow, things not happening as expected, but everyone taking things in stride and still having fun despite the situation.

I’ll be back at work on Monday and will plan to write something then. I want to enjoy my last day tomorrow and will likely be very busy when I get back home.

Till next week –
– Mama K

October 18: Seashells


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We survived the wedding and the day after, we sat around by my dad’s pool while my aunt and uncle came to visit before they left for the airport. One funny thing to report: my aunt and my dad are twins. I should have known this could happen to us… but I digress….

My father has a condo on a small island about 1 hour away from Tampa. It is a quiet, surrene setting along the gulf of mexico with a private beach of white, white sand and clear blue-green water. This is only my second time here. I wish I had the luxury of being closer to my family so I can soak in more of these moments that are so important to me. So this vacation is somewhat bitter-sweet. It took us so long to get here and the kids were such troopers, but honestly we cannot do too many of these kinds of trips. Plus there’s so many other places to see. I wish I could just accept the distance but I no longer can. I used to think before that I could. So my face smiles looking at my kids with their Pop-pop on the beach so busy digging sand and investigating how the water works with the sand – but my heart and soul are a bit battered down. I feel too tired to think too deeply about anything anymore. I just feel sad, so misunderstood, and not listened to. But again I digress.

Today we took a long walk along the beach and all the kids were looking for shells. I love doing this and today was a treat with the four kids. We had two plastic bags and Twin Husky took to carrying one of them. Red also had a bag with her sandals and shells in it. We found so many. It was so wonderful to have the kids scattered and busy at work looking for shells, looking at the waves, talking about the birds – all on private beach so it was just us.

When we got back to the condo we rinsed them off (just me and them) and put them in a towel to dry. We then noticed that the ground cover near the parking lot was also shells. I thought they would all be broken but there were some really beautiful ones in there – so we went hunting for more. Big Bro’s job was the colander, Twin Husky’s job was the hose, and Red and Twin Crazy were busy laying out the first round of shells.

It is moments like these that I hope to never forget. How we all worked together. How everyone was busy and occupied. How everyone was grouped together yet each kind of doing their own thing. And how I just let them be kids. Jump in the hose water. Get wet. Search for treasure. And they let me be with them to experience it all.

How can it be possible that I get so much pleasure out of this moment but yet I can’t help to see myself in these shells – none perfect, some scarred, but all empty. That is how I feel sometimes. Just very empty. And too tired to fight any longer to fill myself up with feelings I once had. I’m just too tired.

I am typing this now as each is sleeping in the room on the floor. I hear their breathing, and imagine their tired bodies replenishing energy for another busy day tomorrow. And I bet anything that we will be searching to add to our existing bounty of seashells.

August 26: Taking the day off with Pop-Pop and my son


I’m doing things a bit differently today. I’m taking a vacation day. For several reasons. Big Bro’s daycare is closed today, and my dad is in town. My dad booked a flight out here when I was having troubles a week or so ago. I obviously appreciate that and also the time we get to spend together with Big Bro. It is a special weekend because Monday is Big Bro’s first day of Kindergarten, and it is Red’s first day of pre-school.

Red's last day at home daycare

Red's last day at home daycare

So I’ll keep my note brief since I am on vacation after all. We spent this morning waiting for Pop-Pop to arrive – he showed up while Big Bro and I were outside waiting. After lots of hugs, kisses, tickling, and giggling, we:

  • went to lunch at a diner and sat at the counter
  • got haircuts (for mommy and Big Bro).
Big Bro reconnecting with PopPop
Big Bro reconnecting with Pop-Pop
Handsome boy

Handsome boy, almost a "kindergartener"

  • got some ice-cream
YUM

Big Bro with chocolate goodness

  • went to Big Bro’s new school to look at the classrooms. We found his room with his chair and his folder, crayons, and name tag. It was so exciting. It was great having Pop-Pop there.
Checking out Big Bro's new school

Checking out Big Bro's new school

Now we are resting, getting ready for a ferry ride to see Hubby – all of us are going to go on the ferry – four kids, me, and Pop-Pop.  His relationship with our kids is so natural and playful. He talks to them like they’re people. He actually has conversations with them. Yes, he teases them too. But there are always laughs, and hugs, and tickles when he is around.  Our kids light up when they hear that Pop-Pop is coming. Months can pass by since we live across coasts, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as he’s here the kids light up and it’s like the relationships have not skipped a beat. It’s really cute to watch – not at all forced or contrived.  It’s all very, very natural with him.

So I’m going to sign off now since I’m on vacation. Have a great weekend everyone. Wish me luck on Monday morning with my eldest in Kindergarten and Red in pre-school.  I think they are both ready but I may not be!!!!   🙂  Monday will be a big day of changes for us as a family. I’m looking forward to all the new beginnings.

Til Monday –
– Mama K

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