June 4: Rain, rain go away

A rainy Monday.   After an amazing weekend with the kids, in duos.   Last night when I came back with Twin Husky and Twin Crazy, the reunion with Red and Big Bro was fun – lots of chatter and banter.   The children miss each other when they are away, but I can also tell that they like the more attention that separation from their siblings brings.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • All of the kids were still snoozing past 7:10 AM.  Quite unusual.  I guess that’s what good baths and full weekends do; plus rainy Monday mornings.
  • Twin Husky looked confused when he got up; Twin Crazy was immediately playful.  Playing hide-and-seek, talking, laughing, … what a difference in personalities
  • I dressed Twin Crazy and got rid of her “dirty stinky diaper” – she’s regressed with potty training which is understandable with the changes in her life right now.
  • Red was waking up slowly; her hair all over the place but clean.  When her eyes were finally focused, she woke up and out of bed just fine.  Fixing her sheets, and asking (demanding) me to gather her things (backpack, baby, seal animal, jacket…..).  This is our routine together.  Me and her joking about all of her stuff.
  • Big Bro got up without a problem.  He wanted to bring his “bad guy” Legos to school today and bring his “good guy” Legos tomorrow.  
  • The kids were all laughing about a small rubber chicken keychain toy that Big Bro pulled apart.  You can now see a hole in it and they were laughing about the “chicken’s butt”.
  • The kids were walking around on tippy toes which I thought was cute.
  • Big Bro wanted to tell me about rainy days at school and what they do at recess if its raining.  How they watch movies instead and how today he hopes that it rains all day so he can watch two movies.
  • Red wanted me to help her find her favorite clothes in the dryer.   She was happy.
  • Big Bro needed help finding clean socks.  We went “fishing” together for clean socks out of the dryer. 
  • I started a load of wash and then we were off.  Big Bro rode today with the Motley Crew.   I packed up Twin Crazy and Twin Husky.   Red wanted to go too and was upset.  I said I would pick her up from school today.   It’s hard to hear their cries when they can’t come with me.  If it were up to me I would take all of them.

I’m on the ferry and it is gray.   I have certain things that I want to focus on for work to prepare for the Fall forums and also turn to sales for new memberships.    I also need to attend an internal meeting related to these forums with a Director from another office that I’m not excited about.  He will likely play a larger role in my forums since the Director that is involved with them now is retiring at the end of the year.   This other Director is moving in and managing him will be a challenge.

I also need to organize some things for home:   order a garbage bin, call to check on Batman (the sick guinea pig), order service to hook up my TV and run wires for surround-sound.   Follow up with the fence and hand-rail project.  Confirm schedules for Custody Evaluation.   I think that’s it on a personal front. 

Highlights of My Working Day:

  • I decided to buy a HUGE breakfast sandwich as I was dodging the cold rain to the office. 
  • I got through a ton of emails and sent out an invoice for our project which just ended. 
  • I received word that our client that requested a high-level proposal checked internally and they do not need our help at this time.  🙂
  • I went through some financials of the forums we are running to see how profitable they are; and also thought through approach for sales
  • We had an internal meeting where we talked about the accounting and how to standardize some of the work that we do with the forums; also an approach to reach more prospects to generate new members.

The day went by quickly but I feel like I did not accomplish much of anything.    Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel more productive.

Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I was so exhausted on the ferry home that I did not write but instead slept.  I am drained.
  • I picked everyone up and was surprised to see Twin Husky in a brand new outfit – cute little jeans (with pockets) and a collar polo shirt.   Their daycare provider purchased it for him; he looked so handsome and even repeated that over and over.  He loves the pockets.
  • I got home and started to boil water for pasta.  As this was going, I started to break down cardboard boxes to recycle, related to my move.  The kids were all outside playing and the neighbors were out there too so it was nice.  I enjoyed myself but found I was running into the street WAY to much to fetch their balls.  
  • Dinner was fast and the kids ate well.
  • All were fighting and cranky so we started bedtime earlier; I had the younger ones but the older ones wanted to be with me; co-parent was completely frustrated.  I dressed the younger ones, read to the older ones, sang to the younger ones, and am in bed now. 


My plan for tonight was to start dismantling my bed.  I just don’t know if I’ll be able to start this project.   I can also do the curtains so I might just do that instead.   Red is now crying and I just can’t take this.  I cannot wait until June 15th when I can be free from this sterile house and remnants of lost hopes and dreams.   I’ve completely let go and need to move on and staying here through the end of the school year is really hard.   I can’t wait until the 15th when I can start to breathe again.   I’m missing my house and I want to be there.  And be there with the kids in their laughter and fits of cranky rage.   And of course, the weeds.

Til tomorrow –

Mama K

Staying Sane: SLEEP!

I had some really good ideas of subjects to write about for this week’s Staying Sane. And many will still be very relevant in the weeks to come. But what I need to write about now, or at least NOT write about, is the need to listen to your body and give in to the abyss of sleep when you need it.

I need it now.

Moving. Divorce. Bought a car yesterday. Picked weeds beyond belief. Entertained neighbors impromptu. Put together two bedroom sets with the help of amazing friends. Lifting. Sneezing (weeds). Pulling, dragging. More sneezing.

I need to rest. I need to sleep.

I WILL get to those other topics at some point. But for now, I’m going to call it a night and SLEEP.

Have a great week everyone

– Mama K



March 23: bedtime

I’m laying in bed, almost asleep. Realized that I never sent out a post, so here it goes on my iPhone.

I sort of worked, and sortif parented today. I don’t feel like I did either particularly well. We had a meeting with the child custody mediator which always makes me feel defeated. I am so tired. I feel like issues which drowned the marriage are surfacing again here and I can’t stand it. I am ready to move on and start a new life damn it and temporary purgatory is going to make things harder for me. If it is better for the kids, fine…. I will do what should be done. But i feel like i am always the one that sacrifices. These feelings are still so raw and now there’s salt thrown at me. Just let me do what is right for these kids already.

Ugh. What happened today?

  • red hid big bro,s Lego book with small coin inside. His favorite treasure. I had to get her to admit it and tell me where she hid it
  • twins were really cute playing with each other this am
  • drop offs for everyone went well
  • pick up for red was sweet. She was playing in the playground when we stole her away
  • big bro took the lagoon path again today after school
  • twin husky almost got lost in a bowl of applesauce
  • we went to see a magic show tonight
  • I had the twins for bedtime and they were both acting so happy and goofy
  • I also interviewed two candidates via phone
  • I reached out to potential guests and speakers for our forums
  • I’m feeling wiped out. Not a good worker. Not a good mother. Not moving forward. Staying still and immobilized due to other people’s fear. Haven’t we all gone through enough already? Just let us move on and get on with this new life already. Give me my energy back so I can focus on the kids where my focus should be. They need it.

    – mama k







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