May 7: The Signing


Monday morning and I am solo with the kids, and Batman, our new guinea pig.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • I woke up prompty at 6:30 AM, no snooze, and rushed to the shower to get myself ready before the kids woke up.
  • Big Bro’s lunch was made in 1 min. I had the bowls out for cereal for 3 of the 4 kids. I folded laundry that co-parent didn’t get to so that Red and Big Bro had some favorites to wear. Ran upstairs with Red and Big Bro clothes and got to the Twins.
  • Red had some issues picking clothes and I had to wait with her so I was getting anxious.
  • Big Bro already disappeared downstairs to take care of Batman. He was in the middle of cleaning out its poops when he had to pee, so ran to the bathroom but LEFT BATMAN’S CAGE DOOR OPEN. I arrived to my room noticing this and was SCARED when I saw the door open but then RELIVED when I saw the cute little thing hopping around inside.
  • Big Bro was very good taking care of him. He already filled up the food bowl, gave him more hay, cleaned out the poop, and replensihed some bedding without me even asking. He was also proud that when he reached inside, Batman let him pet him. He looked up at me with big smile of pride and I told him he’s doing great with his new pet.
  • The rest of the kids came scrambling in, loud, but then calmed down when I asked them to. We can’t scare Batman. We need to speak softly. And let him get used to our smells and our voices. He needs time to learn to trust us and that we are being good to him and will not hurt him. Red took a turn with some poops and that was great.
  • Kids ate well. Dressed quickly. Big Bro was off on Motley Crew bike trip. Monday he is the leader.
  • Red had some issues with socks. Twin Husky got into her bag of nail polish. Twin Crazy briefly lost her pink blanket lovey but all was fixed in the end.
  • I had plenty of time to drop off the Twins and also Red. She was excited about bringing in her new baby doll from her birthday party and also telling her class about Batman.
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    I’m on the ferry now and will have a very busy day. One client project that we are ending tomorrow so will need to pull that together. Plus another big meeting next week that I need to pull materials together for. Plus lots going on the with divorce. And with the house – will be signing documents today or tomorrow. So, I feel like there is just too much going on. But strangely I feel relaxed without co-parent being in the house with me. He is out of town for a week. Will be missing Big Bro’s birthday, which is tomorrow.

    Highlights of My Working Day:

  • Gathered my team and set up in the conference room to work together. Received feedback of workproduct from Director; had a conversation with him and then sent the work to the client.
  • I started to assemble the presentation for the client presentation for tomorrow, including executive summary and storyline.
  • I also started working on presentation and meeting materials for our initiative conference call scheduled for May 15.
  • Took the team out to lunch – it was take-away for back at the conference room, but efforts like that shows the team the appreciation for the hard work and is so simple and cost-effective in the long run. A bit of thanks goes a long way.
  • I am on the ferry now and am thinking about all there is to do, still yet today. I need to find a replacement babysitter for tomorrow, buy a helium balloon for Big Bro, possibly bake cupcakes for his aftercare for tomorrow, work on initiative materials for a planning call for tomorrow, and also review the client presentation that will be sent to the client tonight so they get it first thing in the AM.

    Plus, there is a lot of stuff I need to do on the divorce front. Everything is hitting at once and I am so pissed off at what transpired last week.

    I’m looking forward to seeing the kids and strangely enough, seeing Batman.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • After getting off the ferry I ran straight to the store to get a helium balloon for Big Bro; I ran home, hid it in my closet, and also checked on Batman. He was fine. Looked like he ate during the day, and there were lots of poops for the kids to attend to when they got home.
  • I picked up Red, then the Twins. Their daycare provider has a funeral to go to tomorrow so I am stuck. The person was a 38 year-old mother of three…. she died after a 2 year battle with cancer, brain cancer. It kindof just stopped me in my tracks.
  • We went to pick up Big Bro and he wanted to ride his bike back. He went the lagoon route and we stopped along the way and waited so that he would beat us there.
  • At home the kids were busy tending to Batman. They took turns picking up poop. I think Big Bro replenished the bedding, hay, and food. Batman lets Big Bro reach in and pet him. And he also lets Red. They are so cute with him.
  • There were a lot of mis-haps during dinner prep. I don’t understand it. Twin Crazy decided to squat in my room and start a poop. I’m glad I got to her early because it turned into quite a messy one after we got her to the potty. She peed on the corner of my computer bag. Twin Husky and Twin Crazy were upstairs playing with water all over the bathroom. Red was crying, naked, on the floor, saying that Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were laughing at her.
  • I finally got everyone down to dinner and it essentially was a failure.
  • Afterwards I set Big Bro up to watch some Olivia T.V. and I gave the Twins and Red baths.
  • I was racing to get everyone to sleep by 8 PM since I had my loan signing – but Twin Husky for some reason did not want me to go. I was saying I had to work and I think he thought I was going away for work. He was screaming his head off and clinging to me and telling me not to go…. poor thing. So I brought him down with me. So of course Big Bro and Red were at the top of the stairs slowly coming down. Then Twin Crazy knew that her brother wasn’t there and heard that Big Bro and Red were coming down so then she started to scream to come down too. So I got her. Twins on my lap, Big Bro and Red beside me. I asked the guy NOT to use the word “house” since the kids do not know yet. He was excellent. So it appeared to the kids that I was just working on papers and signing things that meant nothing to them. I asked Big Bro to take pictures and even the notary too. When I saw the Deed of Trust I almost started to cry. I told him this was my first time and I am 42. He said, you’re very first??!?!?!?! I said yes…. pitifully. And that I was doing it for “them”.
  • Afterwards we did our bedtime routine. We read to the Twins, and both Big Bro and Red asked for short books because they were tired.
  • I went downstairs and cleaned up a bit, and also held Batman. He is so cute. I want him to feel at home and not feel scared. It will take time.
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    So now I’m in the hallway finishing this up while Big Bro and Red go to sleep. I am looking forward to being in the smaller house where we will all be together. I hope that they feel safe and secure in that house. I’m looking forward to making it a home for them.

    I have a lot to do tonight…. I have to review a client presentation, I have to organize materials for a conference call tomorrow, and also have a number of divorce-related documents to finish up. I also have to remember to tie Big Bro’s balloon to his bed for his big day tomorrow. He will be six.

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

    March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….


    This was an AWESOME day. It just all sortof came together – very busy, but very smoothe. Update: no, it ended on a really sour note. Blech.

    Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • Twin Crazy was excited about bringing her bouncy, laughing, jumping doll to daycare. She was also excited about bringing her new backpack (thank you Nana!).
  • All kids ate quickly, and got dressed AOK. No problems. No issues. No crying over socks. No crying over shirts. Their clothes were out, their favorites were clean.
  • Even though Big Bro lost his bike riding privelege this AM, he did not put up a fuss. He knew that he wasn’t able to ride and just dealt with it. There was no whining about it, which I was grateful for.
  • We all got ready so quickly that we all took the same van together for drop offs. We dropped of Twin Crazy and Twin Husky first, then Big Bro, then daddy off at the ferry station, and then I dropped off Red, solo. We looked at the rainbow that her class painted and I had to take turns with her to get a picture of her with it.
  • I got back home and started my working day – ate breakfast, cleaned up a bit, and got my computer and phones out. I was ready to begin.
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    Highlights of the Working Day:

  • I reviewed a client presentation that we gave today. There were a few changes that needed to be made before we could present it to the client.
  • I must have reached out to 20+ people to confirm partipation, speaking spots, etc. I confirmed topic and focus areas with the clients of one forum.
  • There were lots of emails to trouble-shoot today.
  • I started to get ready for my client presentation. Hair dry, make up, suit. I got my lunch ready – 2 cheesesticks and a Pepsi. I got my car phone charger and also my ear bud microphone. I listened to Metallica on the car ride until I had to turn it off to get ready for a conference call.
  • I had a conference call on my drive to the client as a status check for one meeting in April we are spear-heading. I finished the call in the parking lot of the client office building.
  • We had our interim review with the client and they seriously love us. I presented the work and it was very much “work together” – bringing the boss up to speed on the analysis, discussing highlights from interviews, and working with them to think through initial scenarios to run with our market sizing model. We mapped out what we will be able to deliver by next Tuesday’s status meeting and I believe that we continue to impress them with the analysis, thinking, and teaming along the way.
  • I drove back home and blasted heavy metal. Scorpions. Tesla. I felt alive.
  • I got home right at 5 PM and had time to switch to the mini-van. I went to pick up all the kids and start my 2nd shift.
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    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • All pick ups were great; I gave them a snack while I cooked dinner. Dinner was ready shortly after 6 PM and they ate really well. I made a trip with them to the mailbox while dinner was finishing up. Red ate 6 pieces of broccoli.
  • Afterwards the kids played, I folded laundry, got the Twins changed.
  • Twin Husky now points to the part of his head where he wants me to kiss him. So cute.
  • Twin Crazy started wearing my shoes around; Twin Husky started wearing Red’s summer flip flops.
  • I talked with Big Bro about numbers and infinity and how there is no last number. I can’t believe I’m getting into these discussions with him already. He’s not even 6 years old.
  • Big Bro also wanted to talk about dolphins. How he knew why they jump in the air… to play, and to breathe. He’s right. I asked him where he learned that. He said he just was thinking about it.
  • He also wrote a note to a leprachaun telling him to come in for some gold and a surprise. He said that he was going to catch him and laughed.
  • Red wanted airplane rides but wanted my pajama bottoms to be pulled to my ankles since I didn’t shave my legs. They all hate the stubble on my legs when I rough-house with them.
  • I did bedtime routine with Twins – Twin Crazy has gotten into a routine of wanting to kiss her brother. I first would dangle her over his crib, and then put her inside his crib where they lay together and laugh and blow kisses. So cute. When I put her in her own crib she was really upset, calling for her brother. So sweet.
  • Big Bro was hiding in the Twin’s room, not wanting to start bedtime routine.
  • Red had a hard time with bedtime routine tonight. It’s almost 9 PM and its still not over….
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    [Note; 8:30 PM: OMG Red is screaming right now and daddy is on night-time routine. He just lets her scream and come downstairs to me. He just ignores her and reads to Big Bro and lets her come down here to me… what happens when I am not here? Are these kids going to be screaming and ignored? She keeps running down here. OMG it is now 9:08 and she is screaming for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went up at 9:10 and talked to her and settled her in bed. I talked to her about her breathing and how I sometimes have a hard time going to sleep. I talked to her about relaxing her arms, shoulders, fingers, elbows, legs, etc. I said I would come back in 2 minutes to check back on her and I did. Now I’m in the middle of a “4” minute check in and writing this. I’m listening to her sighing in the monitor – knowing that he will never have the patience for this and that these kids will need me now more than ever.]

    So this is the roller coaster I live. Seriously. I spent 95% of the daytime feeling on top of the world. Kids were cooperative, playful, intelligent, ebbing and flowing with me. Work was great. I was jamming on things that needed to get done, multi-tasking, getting revved up for a client presentation, and knocking their socks off. I felt alive on the drive home and happy. I ran to get my kids to embrace the balance that I need. They were happy, jumping, playing with me and playing with each other. They were engaging and I felt proud of them….

    … and then bedtime. And Red. And screaming. And prying her off of me.

    I can’t wait to get out of this house – I can’t stand to hear it anymore. I need to know that we are doing the right thing by these kids given this situation and this does not feel right to me. This is sink or swim. And I can’t stand to see my kids sinking, and flailing, and standing by without doing anything. This is the worst possible situation to be in. Force the separation for what you think is best in the long run, but I don’t believe in that long run scenario. And she was happy today but in pieces tonight. And I was pumped all day today, and feel defeated tonight.

    The end of the school year cannot come fast enough for me. We just have a lot of ground to cover between now and then. I am ready for it and ready to be there for my kids and fight for them along the way.

    Til tomorrow,
    – Mama K

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