April 24: Hiding

Chocolate Tuesday! It was a great morning.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

  • Twin Crazy was busy going potty when I made it upstairs. She got changed in regular clothes so of course her Twin Husky wanted to get changed into clothes too. So I held his hand and went to his room to have him pick out some clothes. He liked the Owl shirt with a big moon and he picked it because of the moon circle.
  • There was an issue with Red while she was laying in bed. She was cranky. She woke up at 4 AM last night and was a bit out of it this morning. I couldn’t figure out why she was upset. At first I thought it was because Twin Husky was putting lego wheels in a blue cup and she wanted the wheels. So we talked about it and Twin Husky went over to her and put the wheels by her head. Whew!!! Twin Husky has some empathy!!! This was a big relief/milestone for ME this morning. That wasn’t the issue. Red swooped the lego wheels all over the floor in a fit. I went down with Twin Crazy and told Red I would be back.
  • Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were busy looking at the (alive) ladybugs while their breakfast was getting prepared.
  • I went back up to Red. She was on the floor. She was upset about something. I’m not sure what. I tried to talk with her. She pursed her lips shut. I asked her if she was mad, if she was sad, if something happened to get her upset. I asked her if she was mad at me or if there was something I did. She eventually asked me to carry her blanket down, and her drinking cup. Then the smile came. And her shoes. And her jacket. And Big Bro’s shoes. And Big Bro’s jacket. We were laughing now. Since I had all this stuff to carry down I demanded that I AT LEAST also hold her hand. She became playful. I held her hand, then she rejected my hand, so I wanted a finger, or at least an elbow. She was finally in a good mood.
  • We arrived in the kitchen to see that Big Bro was sitting in her seat. She ran to the couch upset again and said that she had nowhere to sit. I don’t understand how co-parent runs into the SAME issues day after day. There are some things that can be done to stop the issues from happening. I don’t know if he is trying tough love or if he honestly does not get how these kids are wired. So then I had to do musical chairs, asking Big Bro to scoot around and asking Twin Crazy to give up her stool for a chair. We then had an available stool at the spot where Red usually sits. She then smiled again and ran to her breakfast.
  • Chocolate was everywhere. The kids were happy. The ladybugs were still alive.
  • Vitamins!
  • Twin Husky wanted me to hold him. I like this part of his personality now. I like walking him around and talking to him and teaching him things.
  • I helped the kids with their shoes, socks.
  • Big Bro is presenting his homework today – a poster that talks about himself. I will be thinking of my shy son today.
  • Big Bro went off on his scooter. Twin drop off was cute. Red drop off was clingy.
  • I forgot my mobile phone at home but had time to swing by and pick it up.
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    I’m on the ferry and thinking about work. I have client work to do today and also a planning meeting from the last session that I think I will postpone until I have a chance to talk to our director. I don’t want to spend too much time on this effort if we don’t think there is a chance that it will go somewhere. I also have some follow up with the other sessions to complete; and a debrief from one of the meetings.

    I’m in good spirits this morning. This is a big week for me. I feel like it is the right action to take. There are big meetings this week related to the house purchase and also the divorce. I think both will be emotionally draining but I am hopeful that coming out the other side will make me happier. I can’t wait to have a set of keys in my hand. I can’t wait to build a home for the kids. I need to be there for them to make it easier for them so that will be my next area of focus. Making sure I am doing everything I can do to protect these kids during the separation, and to make it as easy as possible for them and letting them know that I am a rock and will be there for them no matter what. That I am their biggest fan and will love them everyday and hold them close to my heart everyday, no matter what.

    Highlights of My Working Day:

  • Spent time at the bank making sure my checks were clearing OK for the funding of my downpayment for the mortgage. The person helping me was wonderful. I showed him pictures of my kids and that seemed to really help.
  • I had a debrief relating to one of the conferences and I want to focus on sales efforts sooner rather than later due to long sales cycle time.
  • I sent out materials from the other conference
  • I cancelled a meeting with the other meeting since I need to connect with my own Director first before I spend too much time on it
  • I had a client meeting to confirm our approach. We have two weeks left for the project and I’m looking forward to its end.
  • I also spent time related to divorce stuff; good, I think.
  • I’m on the boat now and it is sunny. I will be working 1/2 day tomorrow and the rest of the day will be devoted to signing loan documents. I am so close. I feel good. But I still have a raging headache…. I think my body and my mind is STILL decompressing from last week’s work events and lack of sleep. I’m looking forward to this Thursday. My day freed up totally so I’m looking forward to doing something with the kids. I still miss them. I feel like I haven’t connected fully with them yet and am looking forward to that. I’m looking forward to tonight and cooking for them. And being with them. And not being pulled into a different direction – they are my priority and I want them to feel like they are.

    Dinner and Bedtime:

  • I picked up Red and she ran to me with the biggest smile on her face. Over the last few weeks they were doing “planting” projects and their work was on display at school. My little gardener.
  • I picked up Twins next. Twin Husky was cracking me up with his stance as he was staring down a yappety dog.
  • I picked up Big Bro last, assuming he would want to scooter back home. He did.
  • As I cooked the kids were playing and checking out the ladybugs. Twin Crazy went poop and pee-pee on the potty so everyone got to enjoy some chocolate chips.
  • After dinner Big Bro and I played “wall ball”. I cleaned up from dinner and started some laundry. Twin Husky helped me put the dirty clothes in the washer.
  • Upstairs the kids were having some issues. Particularly Big Bro. He didn’t want Daddy. His words. He stayed with me as I read to the Twins. We talked about the book. We sang songs. Twin Husky loves to sing. We did our kiss routine and they climbed into their cribs.
  • I gave Red a huge hug and asked her if she FELT loved. She gave me another huge hug.
  • Big Bro is downstairs with me hiding on the floor. He doesn’t want to leave me. I feel so bad for these kids. He’s asleep right now next to me – it took him 30 seconds to fall asleep.
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    I have such a headache. I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep and tomorrow. 1/2 day work, big meetings behind me, and a stack of paperwork to sign for the HOUSE. 🙂

    Til tomorrow –
    – Mama K

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