March 23: bedtime


I’m laying in bed, almost asleep. Realized that I never sent out a post, so here it goes on my iPhone.

I sort of worked, and sortif parented today. I don’t feel like I did either particularly well. We had a meeting with the child custody mediator which always makes me feel defeated. I am so tired. I feel like issues which drowned the marriage are surfacing again here and I can’t stand it. I am ready to move on and start a new life damn it and temporary purgatory is going to make things harder for me. If it is better for the kids, fine…. I will do what should be done. But i feel like i am always the one that sacrifices. These feelings are still so raw and now there’s salt thrown at me. Just let me do what is right for these kids already.

Ugh. What happened today?

  • red hid big bro,s Lego book with small coin inside. His favorite treasure. I had to get her to admit it and tell me where she hid it
  • twins were really cute playing with each other this am
  • drop offs for everyone went well
  • pick up for red was sweet. She was playing in the playground when we stole her away
  • big bro took the lagoon path again today after school
  • twin husky almost got lost in a bowl of applesauce
  • we went to see a magic show tonight
  • I had the twins for bedtime and they were both acting so happy and goofy
  • I also interviewed two candidates via phone
  • I reached out to potential guests and speakers for our forums
  • I’m feeling wiped out. Not a good worker. Not a good mother. Not moving forward. Staying still and immobilized due to other people’s fear. Haven’t we all gone through enough already? Just let us move on and get on with this new life already. Give me my energy back so I can focus on the kids where my focus should be. They need it.

    Zzzzzzzzzzz
    – mama k

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    Comments

    1. JacksMom says:

      Kim, I read your posts everyday and you ARE a great mom…sometimes I actually am jealous of how much you DO do with them. My S.O. is the stay at home parent and I’m out working my butt off. I feel for you and for the little ones in the way of the divorce BUT I will always be the first person to say that I would have preferred my mother to be a single mom than to suffer & watch her suffer through all her years of marriage to my step-father. So know that this IS in the right direction and that as much as your kids are hurting right now, they are resilient and will be ok. And so will you….much love to you….

    2. muchtodoaboutnothing says:

      Kim dont be so hard on yourself your a great mom! Life sone days are just so, that does not define you by any means. I hope all this will be behind you soon, And heaven help Bill if you end up paying him alimony! The kids need to be with their mom too!

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