March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….

This was an AWESOME day. It just all sortof came together – very busy, but very smoothe. Update: no, it ended on a really sour note. Blech.

Highlights of the Morning and Commute:

Twin Crazy was excited about bringing her bouncy, laughing, jumping doll to daycare. She was also excited about bringing her new backpack (thank you Nana!).

All kids ate quickly, and got dressed AOK. No problems. No issues. No crying over socks. No crying over shirts. Their clothes were out, their favorites were clean.

Even though Big Bro lost his bike riding privelege this AM, he did not put up a fuss. He knew that he wasn’t able to ride and just dealt with it. There was no whining about it, which I was grateful for.

We all got ready so quickly that we all took the same van together for drop offs. We dropped of Twin Crazy and Twin Husky first, then Big Bro, then daddy off at the ferry station, and then I dropped off Red, solo. We looked at the rainbow that her class painted and I had to take turns with her to get a picture of her with it.

I got back home and started my working day – ate breakfast, cleaned up a bit, and got my computer and phones out. I was ready to begin.

Highlights of the Working Day:

I reviewed a client presentation that we gave today. There were a few changes that needed to be made before we could present it to the client.

I must have reached out to 20+ people to confirm partipation, speaking spots, etc. I confirmed topic and focus areas with the clients of one forum.

There were lots of emails to trouble-shoot today.

I started to get ready for my client presentation. Hair dry, make up, suit. I got my lunch ready – 2 cheesesticks and a Pepsi. I got my car phone charger and also my ear bud microphone. I listened to Metallica on the car ride until I had to turn it off to get ready for a conference call.

I had a conference call on my drive to the client as a status check for one meeting in April we are spear-heading. I finished the call in the parking lot of the client office building.

We had our interim review with the client and they seriously love us. I presented the work and it was very much “work together” – bringing the boss up to speed on the analysis, discussing highlights from interviews, and working with them to think through initial scenarios to run with our market sizing model. We mapped out what we will be able to deliver by next Tuesday’s status meeting and I believe that we continue to impress them with the analysis, thinking, and teaming along the way.

I drove back home and blasted heavy metal. Scorpions. Tesla. I felt alive.

I got home right at 5 PM and had time to switch to the mini-van. I went to pick up all the kids and start my 2nd shift.

Dinner and Bedtime:

All pick ups were great; I gave them a snack while I cooked dinner. Dinner was ready shortly after 6 PM and they ate really well. I made a trip with them to the mailbox while dinner was finishing up. Red ate 6 pieces of broccoli.

Afterwards the kids played, I folded laundry, got the Twins changed.

Twin Husky now points to the part of his head where he wants me to kiss him. So cute.

Twin Crazy started wearing my shoes around; Twin Husky started wearing Red’s summer flip flops.

I talked with Big Bro about numbers and infinity and how there is no last number. I can’t believe I’m getting into these discussions with him already. He’s not even 6 years old.

Big Bro also wanted to talk about dolphins. How he knew why they jump in the air… to play, and to breathe. He’s right. I asked him where he learned that. He said he just was thinking about it.

He also wrote a note to a leprachaun telling him to come in for some gold and a surprise. He said that he was going to catch him and laughed.

Red wanted airplane rides but wanted my pajama bottoms to be pulled to my ankles since I didn’t shave my legs. They all hate the stubble on my legs when I rough-house with them.

I did bedtime routine with Twins – Twin Crazy has gotten into a routine of wanting to kiss her brother. I first would dangle her over his crib, and then put her inside his crib where they lay together and laugh and blow kisses. So cute. When I put her in her own crib she was really upset, calling for her brother. So sweet.

Big Bro was hiding in the Twin’s room, not wanting to start bedtime routine.

Red had a hard time with bedtime routine tonight. It’s almost 9 PM and its still not over….

[Note; 8:30 PM: OMG Red is screaming right now and daddy is on night-time routine. He just lets her scream and come downstairs to me. He just ignores her and reads to Big Bro and lets her come down here to me… what happens when I am not here? Are these kids going to be screaming and ignored? She keeps running down here. OMG it is now 9:08 and she is screaming for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went up at 9:10 and talked to her and settled her in bed. I talked to her about her breathing and how I sometimes have a hard time going to sleep. I talked to her about relaxing her arms, shoulders, fingers, elbows, legs, etc. I said I would come back in 2 minutes to check back on her and I did. Now I’m in the middle of a “4” minute check in and writing this. I’m listening to her sighing in the monitor – knowing that he will never have the patience for this and that these kids will need me now more than ever.]

So this is the roller coaster I live. Seriously. I spent 95% of the daytime feeling on top of the world. Kids were cooperative, playful, intelligent, ebbing and flowing with me. Work was great. I was jamming on things that needed to get done, multi-tasking, getting revved up for a client presentation, and knocking their socks off. I felt alive on the drive home and happy. I ran to get my kids to embrace the balance that I need. They were happy, jumping, playing with me and playing with each other. They were engaging and I felt proud of them….

… and then bedtime. And Red. And screaming. And prying her off of me.

I can’t wait to get out of this house – I can’t stand to hear it anymore. I need to know that we are doing the right thing by these kids given this situation and this does not feel right to me. This is sink or swim. And I can’t stand to see my kids sinking, and flailing, and standing by without doing anything. This is the worst possible situation to be in. Force the separation for what you think is best in the long run, but I don’t believe in that long run scenario. And she was happy today but in pieces tonight. And I was pumped all day today, and feel defeated tonight.

The end of the school year cannot come fast enough for me. We just have a lot of ground to cover between now and then. I am ready for it and ready to be there for my kids and fight for them along the way.

Til tomorrow,
– Mama K

March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….

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March 19: Power Day! No, roller coaster day….

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