March 9: Sweet moments before going away

Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to this weekend. I will be solo. So I got a heavy dose of “kid” this morning to fill me up before they left me for the weekend.

Highlights of the Morning:

  • Big Bro’s bike privilege is back. He was up out of bed, got dressed, had his sneakers on, his jacket on, helmet on, and came downstairs for breakfast completely ready to go. He ate quickly and then was completely ready. Even backpack. It was onlly 7:30 AM. He typically doesn’t ROLL out of bed until 7:30 AM. But here is was, all ready to go and extremely excited to be back in action.
  • Big Bro and Twin Husky again were having fun running and dancing around in the kitchen together. I think this will be a ritual with them.
  • Big Bro was very sweet this morning. Twin Crazy had some hair in her face and Big Bro gently swiped it away and out of her eyes. The way she was looking up at him was so sweet. I wish I had the camera but am glad I remembered this moment – hopefully I will remember it in the future since I’m writing it down here.
  • It was finally 8:00 AM and time for Big Bro to go. He was thrilled. I watched him down the sidewalk. I called out that I loved him and for him to have fun. He turned around back to me as he was riding and said “Bye Mommy!!!” with a huge smile on his face.
  • Back at home Twins were dressed to go for the day. Red was dressed for school. Daddy was in the car too. I grabbed snacks and extra diapers for my day with the Twins. We pulled away to drop Red off. He was rushing. I didn’t understand why. I’m home with the kids anyway and I wanted to make it a relaxing drop off. As we were driving there I looked back at Red’s face and her eyes just seemed sad to me. I then asked her if she wanted to go with me and Twin Crazy and Twin Husky and she said YES. I was going to take them to the zoo. So I had Daddy turn the van around to drop him off and for me to get extra food since I had Red now too.
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    Highlights of the Zoo:

  • We arrived there early so we played in the playground a bit.
  • Red had to pee so we went potty – there was a huge lawnmower which was scaring the kids so it was a bit of an ordeal to get to the potty across the lawn while this huge lawnmower was going around. We made it though.
  • Back at the playground Red was being a monkey climbing on things and the Twins were staying close to me because of the lawnmower. Red was having trouble trying to climb up certain things and then all of the sudden I saw her with the stroller and she was using it as a ladder. I love how these kids problem-solve and come up with solutions. It makes me feel good that they can take care of themselves in that way.
  • Once the zoo opened we went to see the frogs and turtles first. Red had never been to that part of the zoo before.
  • We went to look at the sea otters and laughed at how they were playing.
  • We had snacks and the kids were having fun roaming through bushes and playing follow the leader.
  • We then went to brush the goats. So much fun. They were very good with the animals and loved it.
  • On the way out the kids were being monkeys again. Climbing on things all over the place.
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    Rest of the Afternoon:

  • We made it back by 11:30 AM for lunch.
  • Daddy packed up the car and I played with the kids. We played with blocks and balls. They started to get cranky, needing their naps so I held Twin Crazy for a bit and then rocked with Twin Husky.
  • The kids were cute getting their things. Twin Husky needed to bring his 2 Tigers, yellow soccer ball, pretend chicken leg, and blue rubber snake.
  • I said my goodbyes and rocked in the chair for a bit. It was quiet.
  • I’m going to try not to be upset about these lonely weekends any longer. My first alone weekend was very, very rough. It was hard for me to wake up in silence – it felt wrong. I maybe had 2 or 3 mornings of silence over the past 6 years and it just felt un-natural to me. I felt like I was missing my limbs or that I had two left feet or something. It just felt “off”.

    But no matter how I look at it, no matter WHAT level of custody I have with these kids going forward, there will be obviously be days where I wake up without them. This is just reality. And I know this. I can almost accept this now. This is going to be part of my new reality going forward. I will not have them with me every day. It’s as simple as that. I get it. Sometimes it will be harder for me and sometimes it won’t feel as difficult. It will just be.

    So, I sat in silence for awhile. It was a stark difference from just 2 minutes prior — twins crying to nap and Red bouncing around trying to be helpful. Now it was completely quiet except for the sound of the rocking chair. I sat in the chair in the sun. I checked email. I saw a “Groupon-now” for a deep conditioning and haircut that if bought, had to be used within 2 hours. So I made an appointment and bought the Groupon and got my hair conditioned and cut.



    So now I’m getting ready for my weekend away. A B&B in wine country with heated pools, mineral baths, bed in breakfast, and massage (another Groupon previously bought). It was going to be for 2. But now I am one. And I am using it this weekend, alone. And happy about that. I will wake up to a quiet house tomorrow morning, knowing that the kids are fine and having fun, and I will pack up the car and go out to breakfast and road-trip. I have a massage at 11 AM and will relax the rest of the day at the pool. I will spend the weekend with myself and with my thoughts and enjoy the sun, the pool, and the silence.

    I love Groupon.

    Have a terrific weekend Mamas – I’ll post pix of my weekend on Facebook and likely Tweet about it too.

    Here’s to sunny days!
    – Mama K


    1. You look fabulous! I love your hair. I am also incredibly jealous of your solo weekend away. Sounds like Heaven. Enjoy it….your deserve it.

      By the way…..I got a job…..Lingerie Merchandising Rep. I think it will be great.

      • OMG that job sounds AWESOME!!!! What Mama DOESN’T need some fancy lingerie??!?!? You scored a dream job! Great!!!! Thanks for the hair comment. It’s a really good cut. Best I’ve had in a long time.

        The weekend away was wonderful. It really put a lot of things in perspective for me. What I’m going thorugh is not tragic. And many have traveled this same road before. And survive. The kids survive too. I am looking forward to new beginnings, because I know they are out there waiting for me.

        Thanks for being so patient with thme and for all of your wonderful advice. I really admire you and your perspectives.

        • I am so glad for your hard won perspective. Remember that though your circumstances may not be tragic….they will likely feel like it on somedays. That is OK…embrace those days and indulge in wallowing. It is difficult to gain insight and appreciate those enlightening solitary moments without them.

          In viewing the photos from your weekend, you look like a college girl. Again… jealous. Clearly, your alone time was a great benefit to you.

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