February 20: Ending the 3-day weekend


The end of a 3-day weekend – bittersweet in many ways. Weekends are hard for me these days so 3 days makes it tough to get excited about. Today was a good day though –

  • I woke up early and continued laundry; the kids were up so I grabbed all the sheets for the last load of the week. I love the smell of fabric softener. I find it comforting.
  • All kids were up and sitting across on the couch getting ready for some T.V. Thankfully, Big Bro did not buy any movies. I still can’t believe he knows how to do this now. Then 3 of the kids broke out the funny animal hats and started playing with each other and pretending they were birds, dogs, ducks…. so cute.
  • I made a huge pancake breakfast; got the kids dressed; played a bit.
  • I took Big Bro and Red out for the morning. We just did some shopping – Big Bro needed some shoes and I needed a laundry bag. Both kids were GREAT with these activities. Big Bro originally wanted shoes with pictures on them or ones that lit up, but he’s in a size now for bigger kids and the shoes don’t really have those styles. He picked out a decent pair of black and bright yellow sneakers. He likes them. They both helped me at Bed Bath and Beyond for a laundry bag, and even saved me money since they both picked the cheapest one. I’m watching what I’m spending like a hawk now since I have to. I never thought I would go backwards in my standard of living but now it is inevitable so I’m changing behaviors definitely now.
  • At home, all kids were re-united and Big Bro initiated an activity for them all. He brought out markers and stickers and paper and had everyone on the floor creating art. I loved watching them and thought it was great that Big Bro took the initiative like that and that they were all sharing stickers and helping each other with caps, pulling the stickers off the sheets, etc.
  • Made lunch at home; kids napped in clean sheets.
  • They woke up and I gave them baths and showers. I love the smell and feel of clean kids. I love how they cuddle up to you. I cut 80 fingernails and toenails, my weekly ritual.
  • I made home-made pizza for them for dinner – Trader Joe’s has pre-made doughs that I keep in the freezer. Afterwards we had ice-cream. And watched TV. Big Bro played a Spongebob 2x since I didn’t watch it with him appropriately the first time. He really notices if I am watching it with him. He likes to do things with me and if I am distracted even sitting next to him is not good enough. So I paid attention the second time around, and made sure to comment throughout the show so we were talking about what happened.
  • Bedtime for the Twins tonight. I get Big Bro and Red tomorrow night. This didn’t work out well for Big Bro and Red. They were both crying and clinging to me. Big Bro more so than Red. He is very attached and this forced separation while I am still in the house will be difficult for us. I need to talk to our Child Custody mediator about this. Maybe/hopefully it will get easier for him during the week. Even Twin Crazy and Twin Husky were consoling him tonight after he barged into their room while I was sitting with them reading a book.
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So, the 3-day weekend is over, I survived. We divided and I had good fun with both groups of kids; attended a birthday party, went to the zoo, and did normal day-to-day routine things with the kids.

Red is asking when she will be able to share a room with Twin Crazy – a “girl” room – I reply “someday soon” and cannot wait to be painting a room pink for my little girls. I have to be patient and know that soon that day will come. It will just be tough getting there.

Til tomorrow –

– Mama K

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Comments

  1. Sounds hard Kim, are you both in the same house sharing your own times? It sounds stressful , I hope the kids don’t sense that. Not knowing the full story of your relationship it sounds like a no-win for everyone. I’m so so sorry : {

    • See my commentary below — this temporary situation really, really, really sucks to be blunt. In theory it is a time when we can start the transition and the change with the kids while we are both still here – but in reality you can’t really change things in baby-steps. The kids notice the tension. They of course know the separation and that I am sleeping downstairs, away from them (that part kills me). I don’t know how to make it easier for them. I don’t know if having them near me is helping or hurting. I can’t force a child to stay in his/her room at this time. There is too much pain right now. I just want to hold them and rock them and tell them that things will be OK. But I am so frustrated and disappointed. I feel like their childhood has been tainted.

  2. Hi,
    I am a working mom too. When my daughter was born 8 years ago a made the decision to switch from full time (20 years) to part time so that I could be the kind of mother I wanted to be and make my child my priority. I was fortunate in that my husband fully supported this decision. Financially, it is a bit of a sacrifice, but it is more than worth it to us. Of course, I do deal with some issues amongst co-workers who on the one hand think I’m not as serious about my work since I am “Only” part time, and on the other hand, seem envious of my part time status with little comments here and there (even after 8 years). My family is my priority and unfortunately that is not always valued in the professional setting No matter, I feel my decision has been great for my daughter and my family, so the other stuff doesn’t matter as much.
    I follow your blog daily and am impressed at how you handle everything on your plate-4 kids, a job, a house to take care of and a divorce to deal with. Not easy.. When I was reading this entry-not quite understanding the splitting of the bedtimes with the kids-seems it is kind of hard for such young children to not have mommy at bedtime especially since you are actually in the same house with them. Just curious how that decision was made.
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Mama J

    • Mama J – thank you so much for writing in. I admire you for knowing up front what you needed and just going for it. I’ve been struggling with this ever since my first son was born. Thankfully, your husband has supported you 100%. Sadly, mine has not – and has always assumed that I would work full time – I made more money than he – any attempt of mine to try to talk about stepping back or other “big” changes was rebuffed. I wish I would have been more transparent with what I wanted and what I did not want, much much sooner in the marriage. I wish I could have made him listen and hopefully understand. I pushed myself too hard. We have just started the divorce process and part of that process is a Child Custody mediator. This person is trained to get us in the same room and work together to develop an agreement for custody and visitation and parenting plans. If we do not come to an agreement, this person also has the authority to gather more information from other sources and then make an opinion to the court as to custody and vistation. It was her idea during this temporary period (until the end of this school year in May) while I am still in the house to divide the parenting responsibilities and make it crystal clear as to who was doing what, and when. So we trade off routines with the kids – Daddy’s night, Mommy’s night. In theory it should work well – we still go in to kiss them goodnight – the problem is that I am on a different floor than they are. I am physically separated from them. I am there but I am not. This is way too hard on them and I am going to raise it with her this week – maybe it will get better? I see the value…. get them used to a different routine and they will adapt… but having to do this while I’m still in the same house seems like punishment.

      Thanks for reaching out and also asking this question – there are a lot of questions in my mind right now and I’m trying to figure out what will be best for all four of them – they all are so different from one another and have different needs/different ways of expressing loss.

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