We had a good night’s sleep, finally. Red did not wake up feverish, or scared, or at least if she did she did not interrupt us.
Highlights of the Morning and Commute:
- I was running around gathering our things – shoes, extra clothes, my shoes, and was in the garage doing this. Twin Husky made a run for it and ran straight for our “toddler slide structure” — he loves that thing. It’s a bit big for them and they have room to climb/scramble up the slide, there’s room up top for a “landing” and a steering wheel, and then a small slide. He loves it. It was a hand-me-down from REd who was absolutely wild about slides when she was his age. He did NOT like the fact that I had to take him off the slide. So much so that he threw himself on the ground crying like he was in pain. “I know sweetie, you wanted to play on that slide. Now! You wanted to PLAY! You’re MAD because you wanted to PLAY on the SLIDE!! I know, I understand.” Then he got up and hugged me and then started playing with my earrings. He moves on quickly.
- Big Bro got some extra chocolate today. I couldn’t believe it. It was not announced to the rest of the group, but Hubby put chocolate on a plate and had Big Bro eat it along with some banana. He kept it REAL quiet.
- Twin Husky was self feeding applesauce and had it everywhere. I asked him to show me how it works…. how does the spoon work, where does it go…. “In your EAR? No….. Up your nose??? NO……. In your Mouth?” Then he put the spoon in his mouth and was so cute. Smiling up at me all coy and feeling proud of himself.
- Red was a bit cranky. She ate well but only got 1/2 changed. I packed the rest in the bag for daycare.
- Drop of with Red and Twins was slow. Red did not want to go. I feel bad for her. She was crying when we left which broke my heart.
- Drop off with Big Bro was great. He is happy there. We can’t wait to get Red there too, although it will be twice as much money for her to go there. We think at this point it is worth it so she can be in more of a learning environment.
The sky is gray. People in the ferry are quieter than normal. Today at work I will need to:
- follow-up with our client on the white paper and see her reaction to the work
- develop go to market materials for firm initiative
- begin to write a proposal for the opporunity fielded last week
Tonight I’ve been invited to a “glam” party with some moms in the area. I only know one of them. So today at work I’m wearing a dress and sparkly necklace and silver shoes. I’m feeling good about myself. I think dressing up gives me extra confidence and a prowess boost of energy.
Highlights of my Working Day:
- I ate an enormous breakfast — quesadilla with egg, potato, cheese, and ham.
- I started to write the proposal for a potential client based upon the phone conversation yesterday
- I coordinated a business development meeting with a client for a proposal we will likely write next week
- I arranged team meetings for a firm initiative
- I reached out to an industry leader for some questions related to a project underway
- I prepared an invoice for a project that recently concluded
- We received word today that the client project we recently completed will not proceed to Phase 2 — not because of the work (they were very complimentary) but because they needed to save cost and jumped right to Phase 3 (which we were never meant to deliver). 😦
- I ate some fig newtons for lunch. Pathetic.
- I am still procrastinating on the go-to-market materials that I promised to deliver. I absolutely NEED to get that COMPLETE tomorrow otherwise I am dropping the ball.
The sun is out but it is very, very cold. I have tentative plans to meet some women in the neighborhood for “glam night” — I only know one person there. I dressed “glam like” for work today…silver shoes and sparkly necklace and earrings… about as glam as I could possibly go for the office. I am not terribly excited about going but suppose I need to push myself out there to meet new people. I’ve felt very isolated and down lately and I’m not sure if this will help or hurt (e.g., if they are all stay at home moms). Hmmmmmm. What to do?
Dinner and Bedtime:
- Pick up for big bro went without a problem. However pick up with other kids had some issues. Red was extremely upset over something, and I still don’t know exactly why. I think she was upset over a 2 day old bagel that she put in the back of the mini-van, but am not sure.
- I brought in the slide play structure and all kids were having a good time with it…. until Twin Crazy and Twin Husky started fighting over standing space on the top of the structure, until Big Bro started sitting with an attitude at the bottom of the slide preventing the other kids from going down, and until Twin Husky grabbed Red with both hands around her pudgy waist to pull her out-of-the-way. So essentially all kids wound up in foul moods because of the slide structure.
- Hubby handled dinner while I played / controlled kids
- Hubby handled bed time with the kids while I went out to “glam night”. I met a bunch of great ladies. I’m definitely glad that I went!!! I actually met another mom with four kids (whew – makes me feel a bit normal) and lots of women that actually made me laugh. I met a lot of stay-at-home moms and really connected with them – and some women who stay at home as entrepreneurs. I wish I had their drive/sense of security…. I just feel like I don’t have an option or if I do have an option just walking away from the stable source of money/income REALLY frightens me…. this is my own issue that I really need to sort out….hopefully I come to some REAL decisions before the year is out. I also drank a lot of wine wish was a nice way to spend a Wednesday night.
Anyway, this was a great day; I hope Red stays asleep tonight because I am already a bit tipsy and know I need the sleep. Tomorrow will be a slow day regardless….
Till tomorrow,
– Mama K
Mama In Motion™ 
I love that you had a GLAM night. I have found that my “Girls Nights Out” are the finest and cheapest therapy out there. We all have moments of loneliness and time with friends can give us a break from real life that is wonderfully empowering. I now have a weekly night out with my friends that gives me a re-charge. I get to wear fun clothes and feel attractive in a “less mom like” way. The more eclectic the group, the better. Since I want to return to work….I seek out working women just to learn more about what is out there.
As for your turmoil over work life, I will just add some unsolicited opinions. I have read your daily blogs and I can see your desire to have more time with your kids. I have been home with my 5 kids for 15 years. I am very fortunate to have had so much time with them in their early development years before school. Initially, I loved it and wanted nothing else but to be their mom and participate in their growth as people. A couple of years ago, I became a little burned out. I gave so much of myself early on that I never took time for myself. My husband is in the military so I was a single parent much of the first 12 years. As I look back now, I wish that I would have had more balance. I needed to take more time for myself and probably work part time. It is difficult to find an appreciation, that you so clearly have for your children, when you are inundated with them around the clock. A little separation truly makes you miss your kids and yearn to have time with them. I am most certainly in my midlife crisis and I own it. I workout like a crazy person and finally take that time for myself as I try to find the “ME” that I lost for a decade. Perhaps if I would have better balanced earlier on, I wouldn’t have hit the wall so hard. On a brighter note, the time I take for myself now is helping me appreciate my role as mother so much better. So maybe you simply need the reverse…..an opportunity to have a little more time with your kids but still some semblance of a career. If your figure out how to do this….please enlighten me as this is the path I seek.
Mama S:
I love your responses. You are so thoughtful and I would love to meet you someday. I do believe that the time that I’m away from my kids makes me a better mom — I see the difference on weekdays vs. weekends. At least a change in my attitude towards them. During the week, each hour that I have with them is precious. I have 1 hour in the morning, and 2 hours in the evening, if I am lucky. So during these hours I try my hardest to engage with them, talk with them, laugh with them, tickle them, listen to their funny stories and points of view. It is not work for me then. It is a gift. However weekends are another story, strangely enough. I find that I need to think about activities, and I’m doing a lot of trouble shooting with them throughout the day. Sometimes I feel guilty when I look forward to their naps. So my sense of attitude towards these kids definitely is different depending upon the day of the week so I think I “get it” in what you are saying, at least on a small scale.
What I am craving, is a job where I can work part-time, let’s say from 10 AM to 2 or 3 PM. I want to be the person to drop my kids off at school, and also pick them up after school. I want to be the person that talks with them about their day, engages with them, and makes them feel important. I want to be the one cooking their dinner. I want to be the one helping with homework. I use the word I interchangeably to mean me and/or Hubby. I do not want my kids to look towards a nanny as their first point of contact. That would be too hard for me to come to grips with. I want to earn money to contribute to the family but I want my family to come first. That, in my world, would be an ideal situation. I’m not sure how realistic it will be. This blog could be one way to get there, I am also thinking of contract consulting, or maybe just approaching my company to see if they would be willing to entertain the thought of a 20 hour work-week. This may be possible since I’ve been here for 7 years but honestly it would have to work for the company too – there are no free handouts. I am aware of several mom networks that do consulting — esstentially a few women sell projects and then they leverage a network of stay at home moms to deliver the work – the women pick and choose the projects and say “No” if they can’t do it.
Again this is all about transformation for all of us and I really appreciate your point of view and amazing advice. I need to find a better way to push this kinds of commentary to others because I think it so valuable. I hope to meet you soon.